作者：高雅哲 主编
出版社：南海出版公司
格式: AZW3, DOCX, EPUB, MOBI, PDF, TXT
休闲时刻必读书：幽默英文超实惠读本(套装共五册)试读：
总目录
CONTENTS封面
版权信息
世界如此险恶，打死你我也不会说
交给我你就不用放心了
再逼我，再逼我就装死给你看
帅也白搭，还不是要被卒子吃掉
你都不理我，那我成狗不理了
目录
CONTENTS第一章 无敌腹黑
1. We Close at Ten
我们十点关门
2. Burglars Broke into the House
盗贼来访
3. A Polite Horse
有礼貌的马
4. Have the Money
致富
5. The Man Is Looking for It
他正在找呢
6. Egges
鸡蛋
7. Kept Coming Back
总是飞回来
8. Good News and Bad News
好消息与坏消息
9. You Should Be Replaced
你应该被替换
10. How to Get a Seat by the Fire
怎样在火炉旁找个好座位
11. It Hurts
疼
12. Is He Really Ill
他真病了吗
13. Sharing on the Train
火车上的共享
14. Letter from A Fool
傻瓜来信
15. To Bury the Goldfish
埋金鱼
16. Perfect Project
完美设计
17. Two Hundred Times
两百遍
18. Who on earth Lost
到底谁输了
19. The Eager Beaver
工作狂
20. Two Soldiers
两个士兵
21. Fishing with a Mirror
用镜子钓鱼
22. A Large Hole
大水坑
23. A Shoebox
鞋盒
24. NASA Mars Mission
国航局火星计划
25. Two plus Two
二加二
26. Drunk Superman
喝醉的超人
第二章 萌倒童年
1. Mother and Son
母与子
2. Why Is He Crying
他为什么哭
3. Is It a Good Way
是好办法吗
4. Why Is Your Face So Red
你的脸为什么那么红
5. A Clever Girl
聪明的小女孩
6. A Good Box of Matches
一盒好火柴
7. It Was Fine This Morning
今天早晨还好着呢
8. I Need His Football
我需要他的足球
9. What do They Eat
吃什么
10. A Boy with a Big Head
大头娃娃
11. A Good Boy
好孩子
12. Where Is the Father
爸爸在哪儿
13. I Just Showed Him
我只是让他看了看
14. List Your Sins
列出你的过错
15. God’s Creations
上帝的创造
16. Pregnant
怀孕
17. Two Cents a Glass
两分一杯
18. Little Rock Buys the Bread
小洛克买面包
19. The New Baby
新宝宝
20. An Artist’s Daughter
画家的女儿
21. Lucky Mother
幸运的母亲
22. Why Does It Rain on the Road Too
雨为什么也要下在路上呢
23. She Wants to Keep Them
她想占有它们
24. Whose Baby Is It
谁的宝宝
25. Jesus Is in the Bathroom
耶稣在卫生间里
26. Big TroubIe
麻烦大了
第三章 名人趣谈
1. Before the Foundering
沉船之前
2. Hat
帽子
3. There Isn’t a Scar on Your Body
身上没有疤
4. 1+1=1
1+1=1
5. Make Way for a Fool
给傻瓜让路
6. Wearing Glass
戴眼镜
7. Autograph
签名
8. You Have Already Beacome a Great Man
你已经成了伟人
9. What Are You Really Thinking about
你在想什么
10. You Should Pay Double Tuition
你应该付双倍的学费
11. I Have Continually to Bow
不断致意
12. Stamp
邮票
13. Borrow a Book
借书
14. Editor’s Reply
编辑的答复
15. Worn out Overcoat
爱因斯坦的破烂外套
16. He Bathes on Behalf of Me
他代我洗澡
17. Charming Girl
美女
18. A Strange Creature
奇怪的生物
19. A Humorist
一位幽默家
20. “The Pope Is Never Wrong”Is Not True
教皇永无过错
21. Elementary Knowledge
基础知识
22. A Story of Jimmy Durante
杜兰特的单口相声
23. What Did He Eat
牛顿“吃饭”
第四章 狗血江湖
1. My First Operation
第一次手术
2. Bouncing Up and Down
上下跳动
3. Rules for Success
成功法则
4. You Were Flying Too Low
飞得太低了
5. Introductions
介绍
6. Got It Again
旧病复发
7. I Didn’t
我没打过
8. First Baby
第一胎
9. Computer Language
计算机语言
10. Experience
经验
11. Do You Need Help
需要帮忙吗
12. The Last Tooth
最后一颗牙
13. Pregnant
怀孕
14. That Officer Was Not Popular
不受欢迎的长官
15. Surgeons
外科医生
16. Is She Pregnant
她怀孕了?
17. The Warm-hearted Nurse
热心的护士
18. Appeal
上诉
19. The Taxi Driver and the Priest
出租车司机和牧师
20. A Brand-new Brain
全新大脑
21. Traffic Accident
交通事故
22. A Tough Marine Sergeant
粗鲁的海军中士
23. How Many Can Be Discharged
多少人能出院
24. That’s Your Worry
那是你的事
25. Post Haste
紧急邮递
26. Old Fire Truck
旧消防车
27. A Smuggler
走私犯
28. Protect Himself
保护自己
29. Cover the Shadow with Sand
用沙子遮住影子
30. In Prison VS at Work
监狱与单位
第五章 亲密关系
1. I Was in Love and Didn’t Notice It
恋爱中没有注意到
2. I’m the Bridegroom’s Mother
我是新郎的母亲
3. Looking for a Husband
找个丈夫
4. In the Swimming Pool
在游泳池里
5. Marry
结婚
6. Be inside the Coat
我在外套里
7. I’m Hooked on You
我被你勾住了
8. Not My Daughter
不是我的女儿
9. Dating
约会
10. The Baby Will Just Like You Tomorrow
宝宝明天就像你了
11. Change
变化
12. We’re Divorced
我们已经离婚了
13. The New Telephone Number
新号码
14. It’s Too Late
太晚了
15. Promise or Threat
承诺还是威胁
16. Some Conversations on Married Life
婚姻百态
17. Thirty Years Younger Than Me
比我年轻三十岁
18. He Asked Me First
他先向我索吻了
19. Birthday Rose
生日玫瑰
20. What Are You Going to Do This Evening
你今天晚上要干什么去
21. A Penny Pincher
守财奴
22. Rejuvenation Pill
返老还童药片
23. My Wife Makes All Small Decisions
小事老婆说了算
24. Twins
双胞胎
25. I Had Him Buried Upside down
脸朝下埋的
26. Always Share
分享一切
27. The Perfect Husband
完美丈夫
第六章 最强大脑
1. I Think That I Am a Bird
我认为自己是一只鸟
2. Does He Bite
它咬人吗
3. Put the Peach Back on the Tree
把桃子放回树上去
4. I Did Not
我才没有
5. Poisonous Snakes
毒蛇
6. Frog
青蛙
7. Pose for Pictures
拍照留念
8. Tell Horses Apart
区分马
9. Space Race
太空竞赛
10. Chewing Gum
口香糖
11. Small White Rabbit Fishing
小白兔钓鱼
12. One for the Price of Two
一物二价
13. Flying Turtle
飞翔的海龟
14. The Ability of the Kangaroo
袋鼠的能力
15. Special Kiss
特殊的亲吻
16. Another Choice
另一个选择
17. Eat，Coat
大衣，你吃吧
18. A Boring Man
无聊之人
19. He Was Only Wrong by Two
他的答案只比正确答案差二
20. The Talking Frog
会讲话的青蛙
21. Hot Air Balloon
热气球
22. Fast Chicken
跑得飞快的鸡
23. Pay for the Mother
为“妈妈”埋单
24. Caught by Cannibals
被食人族抓住
25. Lion and Lady
狮子和女郎
26. A Fish Tale
一条鱼的故事
27. Special Pig
神奇的猪
28. Who Had the Most Tragic Death
谁死得更惨
第七章 急中生智
1. Handsome Man
帅哥
2. Fat Man and Thin Man
胖子和瘦子
3. Big Surprise
大吃一惊
4. Can Not Stop
无法停下来
5. The Best Stimulant
最佳兴奋剂
6. All Your Life
你的一生
7. Lawyer’s Answer
律师的回答
8. The Autograph
签名
9. A Moron
白痴
10. A New Employee
新职员
11. It’s Hard to Tell One from the Other
双胞胎难辨
12. The 15th Vice President
第十五位副行长
13. Who Should Change
谁该换？
14. The Bill
账单
15. To Take Love More Seriously than Friendship
重色轻友
16. Distance
距离
17. I’m Calling to Report My Neighbor
检举揭发
18. Suitcase
手提箱
19. Perfect Match
绝配
20. What’s on Your Back
你的背上放什么东西
21. A New York Lawyer
一名纽约律师
22. The Cleverest Son
最聪明的儿子
23. Don’t Worry
不必担心
24. The Servant’s Ruse
仆人的诡计
25. A Rick Does Long Way
一招解决大问题
返回总目录第一章 无敌腹黑1. We Close at Ten“Waitress,”shouted the impatient diner,“do I have to sit here and starve all night?”
“No, sir, we close at ten o’clock.”我们十点关门“服务员，”顾客不耐烦地喊道，“我必须整晚坐这儿挨饿吗？”“不，先生，我们十点关门。”2. Burglars Broke into the House
Poet: Burglars broke into my house last night.
Friend: Yes? What happened?
Poet: They searched through every room, then left a $10 bill on my bureau.盗贼来访
诗人：“昨晚盗贼闯进了我的屋子。”
朋友：“是吗？丢了什么吗？”
诗人：“他们翻遍了每个房间，然后在我的书桌上留下了一张10美元的钞票。”3. A Polite Horse
John: Tom, how was the horse-riding yesterday?
Tom: Not so bad. But my horse was too polite.
John: Too polite?
Tom: Yes. When we came to a fence, he let me go first.有礼貌的马
约翰：汤姆，昨天骑马骑得怎么样？
汤姆：不错，但我的马太有礼貌了。
约翰：太有礼貌了？
汤姆：是的。当我们要跨栏时，它让我先过去了。4. Have the Money
“How did you plan your future？”
“I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.”
“How did that help？”
“Now he has the experience and I have the money.”致富“你是如何计划未来的？”“我成为一个富人的合伙人。他有钱，我有经验。”“那如何发挥作用？”“现在他有经验，我有钱。”5. The Man Is Looking for It
A little boy came home with a five-dollar bill and said he found it.
“Are you sure it was lost?”asked his mother.
“Sure,I’m sure,”said the little boy,“I saw the man looking for it.”他正在找呢
一个小男孩拿着一张5美元的钞票回到家里，他说是捡到的。“你肯定这是别人丢的吗？”他妈妈问。“当然，我确定，”小男孩说，“我看见那个人正在找呢。”6. Egges
“How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?”
“One night I hid five eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that.”鸡蛋“你是如何让邻居把他的母鸡关在自家院子的？”“一天夜里，我在花园的一簇灌木丛下藏了五只鸡蛋。第二天，我让他看到我把那些鸡蛋收了起来。从那以后，我就没被打搅过。”7. Kept Coming Back
At the insistence of a reporter, a wealthy man finally decided to reveal the secret of success.“I first became rich by selling homing pigeons.”he explained.
“Really?”replied the amazed reporter,“How many did you start with?”
“Only one,”the millionaire answered,“but he kept coming back.”总是飞回来
在一位记者的坚持下，一名富翁最终决定透露他成功的秘密。“我起先是以卖信鸽发家的。”他解释说。“真的吗？”记者惊讶地反问道，“一开始你有多少只？”“只有一只，”百万富翁回答说，“但它总是飞回来。”8. Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings.
“I’ve got good news and bad news.”he said,“The good news is that some guy inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, he bought all 12 of your paintings.”
“And the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”好消息与坏消息
一位画家向美术馆老板打听是否有人对他的画感兴趣。“有好消息，也有坏消息。”他说，“好消息是有人询问你的作品在你死后会不会升值。我告诉他会的，他就把你的十二幅画全买走了。”“那坏消息呢？”“那家伙是你的医生。”9. You Should Be Replaced
A famous film director entered a restaurant.
After the meal, the owner asked him for advice,“If I change some of my cooks and their dishes still can’t attract more customers, what shall I do?”
The director thought for a minute and replied,“In our film studio, if we continue to lose audience with the changes of some actors, the director will get replaced.”你应该被替换
一位著名电影导演走进一家饭店。
饭后，饭店老板向他请教：“如果更换几个厨师，饭菜仍不能吸引顾客，我应该怎么办？”
导演想了一分钟，回答说：“在我们电影制片厂，如果更换一些演员仍失去观众，我们就更换导演。”10. How to Get a Seat by the Fire
Mr.Jack came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.
He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.
“Will your horse eat oysters?”said the hostler.
“Try him.”said Mr. Jack.
Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and Mr. Jack who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.怎样在火炉旁找个好座位
在一个寒冷的冬天，杰克先生来到一家小客栈，发现火炉旁边已经没有空位了。
于是，他让旅店的伙计去拿些牡蛎来喂他的马。“您的马吃牡蛎吗？”伙计问道。“你试着喂喂吧。”杰克先生回答。
顷刻间，人们都跑去看这一奇观，杰克先生则独自呆在屋里，他在火炉旁找了个最好的座位，舒舒服服地坐在那儿取暖了。11. It Hurts
Carl’s mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his three-year older sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to Carl,“There, there. She doesn’t mean to hurt you. She doesn’t know that hurts.”
She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rush in a back in, she asked,“What happened?”
“She knows now.”Carl replied.疼
当听到卡尔的尖叫时，卡尔的妈妈跑进卧室，看见比卡尔大三岁的姐姐正在扯他的头发。她慢慢松开小女孩的拉扯，安慰卡尔说：“过来，过来。她不是有意那样做的，她只是不知道那样很疼。”
她刚刚离开房间就听小女孩尖叫起来。她赶紧跑回去问：“发生什么事了？”“她现在知道了。”卡尔答道。12. Is He Really Ill
On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street.A small crowd immediately gathers around him.
“Give the poor man a glass of whiskey.”advises a woman.
“Give him a heart massage.”says someone else.
“No, just give him some whiskey.”insists the woman.“Call an ambulance.”yells another person.
“A whiskey!”The man suddenly sits up and exclaims.“Shut up, everybody, and do as the kind lady says!”他真病了吗
在一个炎热的夏天，一个上了年纪的男子昏倒在街头，一群人马上围了上去。“给这个可怜的人一杯威士忌吧。”一位女士建议。“给他做一下心脏按摩。”另外一个人说。“不，还是给他一些威士忌。”那位女士坚持说。“还是叫一辆救护车吧。”有人喊起来。“一杯威士忌！”地上的那个人坐起来嚷道，“都闭上嘴，就照那位好心的太太说的去做！”13. Sharing on the Train
A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American, and a lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying,“Don’t worry, we have plenty of those where I come from.”
The Englishman offered everyone a Sandwich, then threw the rest out of the window, saying,“Don’t worry, we have plenty of those where I come from.”
Then the American threw the lawyer out of the window, saying...火车上的共享
一名法国人、一名英国人、一名美国人和一名律师坐在同一辆火车上。
法国人递给每人一些他带的法国长棍面包，然后把它扔出窗外，说：“不用担心，在我来的地方，这样的东西我们有很多。”
英国人递给每人一个三明治，然后把剩下的全扔出窗外，说：“不用担心，在我来的地方，这样的东西我们有很多。”
然后美国人把律师扔出窗外，说……14. Letter from A Fool
Mr. Anthony entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word“fool”.Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these word:
“I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.”傻瓜来信
一个星期天，安东尼先生上普利茅斯的教堂去，在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封，发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们，他这样说：“写信时忘了签名的人，我倒遇见过很多，但只签了名却忘了写信的人，我却是头一次遇到。”15. To Bury the Goldfish
Little Cathy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked,“What are you up to there, Cathy?”
“My goldfish died,”replied Cathy tearfully, without looking up,“and I've just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned,“That’s an big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Cathy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied. “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”埋金鱼
小凯西在花园里铲土填坑，邻居在篱笆外看到了。邻居不知道这个神情沮丧的小女孩在做什么，就关切地问：“凯西，你在那儿做什么呀？”“我的小金鱼死了，”凯西低头哭着回答，“我刚刚把金鱼给埋了。”
邻居关心地问：“就埋一条小金鱼挖那么大的坑？”
凯西拍了拍最后一撮土回答说：“那是因为小金鱼在你们家那只猫的肚子里。”16. Perfect Project
My friend Debbie was enrolled in a flower-arranging class. Although she enjoyed the course, Debbie was miffed when week after week the instructor criticized and redid her careful arrangements.
After the final lesson, though, Debbie came home triumphant. “The teacher didn’t lay a finger on my project tonight!”she announced to her husband.
“Congratulations!”her spouse replied,“It must have been perfect.”
“It was,”Debbie said, smiling modestly,“I made it with thistles.”完美设计
朋友黛比到一个插花班上课。尽管她喜欢这门课，但当指导老师一周又一周地批评她并把她精心插好的花重整一遍时，她有点儿生气。
而上过最后一次课后，黛比得意洋洋地回到了家里。“老师今晚对我的设计一根指头也没动！”她对丈夫大声说道。“恭喜恭喜！”她的丈夫回答说，“那一定是非常完美。”“是这样，”黛比面带微笑谦虚地说，“我做的是带刺的。”17. Two Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.“You are a school teacher, eh?”said he,“Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write‘I went through a red light’two hundred times.”两百遍
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭上，一位女士因开车闯红灯被带到法官面前受审。女士解释说自己是老师并请求法官快一点结案，自己还得赶回去上课。突然，法官的眼神流露出狂喜。“你是老师啊？”法官问，“这位女士，我可以实现毕生的抱负了。坐到那张桌子后面，把‘我闯了红灯’几个字写上两百遍。”18. Who on earth Lost
Jonathan likes gambling very much. Once he gambled with his boss, saying,“A mole is on your chest, if you don’t believe it. Let’s bet $500 on it.”
The boss said seriously,“Give me your money.”Saying that, he took off his clothes, as a matter of fact, nothing was on his chest. The boss got the money happily. He told one of his colleagues that he beat Jonathan in gambling.
His colleague got angry, saying,“Stop it. He gambled with me, he said he could make you take off your clothes in five minutes. And the price was $1000.”到底谁输了
乔纳森非常喜欢打赌。一次他和他的上司赌了起来：“你胸前有一块胎记，不信我们赌500块钱。”
上司非常严肃地说：“把钱拿出来吧，你输了！”说着他脱下了衣服。他的身上真的什么也没有。上司得意地收了钱，然后他跟一位同事说他和乔纳森打赌赢了。同事非常丧气地说：“别提了，他刚才跟我打赌，他说他能在五分钟内让你脱下衣服，赌现金1 000块。”19. The Eager Beaver
Bill was a new employee at the insurance office, but in a short time all his fellow workers began to complain about him.
“He’s an eager beaver.”protested one worker,“He does so much work that it makes all of us look bad.”
“What’s he trying to do?”wailed another employee,“Get a promotion?”
Three weeks later Bill was called into the office of the personnel manager.
“Bill, you’re a good worker, but I have had news for you.”
announced the manager,“We’ll have to lay you off.”
“Why? I don’t understand. I do more work than all the staff put together.”
“That’s the trouble.”
“The staff has nothing to worry about. I’m not going to take away their jobs.”
“I’m not worried about their jobs. I’m worried about mine.”工作狂
比尔是一家保险公司的新雇员，但是很短一段时间后，他的同事们都开始抱怨他。“他是一个工作狂。”一位职员抗议道，“他做了太多的事情，使得我们其他所有人都显得工作不够多。”“他到底想干什么？”另一个雇员附和道，“想升职吗？”
三周之后，比尔被人事经理叫到办公室。“比尔，你是一名好员工。但是，我有一个坏消息要告诉你，”经理对他说，“我们必须解雇你。”“为什么？我不明白，我做的工作比其他所有员工加起来做的都多。”“这正是问题所在。”“同事们不用担忧，我不会抢走他们的工作。”“我不担心你抢走他们的工作，我担心你抢走我的饭碗。”20. Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one’s name was Cody, and the second one’s name was Dick.
Cody said,“Have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Dick?”
Dick said,“Yes, I have.”And he gave them to him.
Then Cody said,“Now I haven’t got a pen.”
Dick gave him his, and Cody wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said,“Have you got a stamp, Dick？”Dick gave him one.
Then Dick got up and went to the door, so Cody said to him,“Are you going out?”
Dick said,“Yes, I am.”And he opened the door.
Cody said,“Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...”He stopped.
“What do you want now?”Dick said to him.
Cody looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What’s your girlfriend’s address?”两个士兵
两个士兵在军营里，一个叫科迪，另一个叫狄克。
科迪说：“狄克，你有纸和信封吗？”
狄克说：“有。”然后他把纸和信封递给了科迪。
科迪又说：“我现在没有笔。”
狄克把自己的笔给了科迪，科迪开始写信，然后将信装进信封里，说：“狄克，你有邮票吗？”狄克递给科迪一张邮票。
狄克站起身，向门外走去，科迪问他：“你要出去吗？”
狄克说：“是的，我要出去。”然后推开了门。
科迪说：“请帮我把信投到邮筒里，然后……”他欲言又止。
狄克对他说：“你现在又想让我为你做什么？”
科迪看着信封，回答道：“你女朋友的地址是什么？”21. Fishing with a Mirror
A man saw a fisherman standing in a lake with a mirror.
“Excuse me,”he said,“but could you tell me what you’re doing?”
“I’m fishing.”
“With a mirror?”the man asked.
“Sure~it’s a new invention. I’m going to make a fortune.”
“Could you tell me how it works?”
“Okay, but it’ll cost you ten dollars.”
The man was so curious that he handed the fisherman the money.“Now show me how it works.”he said.
“Well,”the fisherman began,“you aim the mirror into the water, and when a fish goes by, you startle him with rays of light reflected from the mirror. The fish gets confused and then you grab him.”
The man was shocked,“You can’t mean to tell me that’s how you fish. It’s ridiculous! How many have you caught?”
“You’re the sixth today！”replied the fisherman.用镜子钓鱼
一个人看到一个渔夫拿着镜子站在湖里。“对不起，”他说，“你能告诉我你在做什么吗？”“我在钓鱼。”“用镜子钓鱼？”这个人问道。“当然——这是一项新发明。我打算发大财。”“你能告诉我镜子是怎样钓鱼的吗？”“行，但这要花费你10美元。”
这人非常好奇，就把钱递给了渔夫。“现在告诉我镜子是怎样钓鱼的。”他说。“好，”渔夫开口说道，“你把镜子对着水照。当鱼游过时，镜子反射的光会使它大吃一惊。趁它困惑时，你就一把抓住它。”
这人大为震惊：“你该不会告诉我，你就是这样钓鱼的吧。真荒唐！你已经钓了多少条？”“今天你是第六条！”渔夫回答说。22. A Large Hole
There was a farmer who lived near a road.
It was not a busy road, but from time to time, cars passed the farm.
Near the farm gate, there was a large hole in the road. This hole was always full of water, and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was. They thought it was probably shallow. Then when they drove into the hole, they could not drive out because it was so deep.
The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm. He spent most of it watching the hole. When a car drove into it, he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this.
One day, the driver of a car said to him,“You must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day.”
“Oh，no，”the farmer said,“I don’t pull cars out of the hole at night but fill the hole with water.”大水坑
有个农夫住在路边上。
尽管这不是交通拥堵路段，但有时也有汽车从农场路过。
农场大门旁边的路上有个大坑，坑里常常满是水，汽车司机看不出坑有多深，他们以为可能很浅。而司机们一旦把车开进坑里，就别想再开出来，因为坑太深了。
农夫也不怎么在农场里干活，大部分时间都在看着这个坑。当汽车开进坑里时，他就用拖拉机把它拉上来，然后向司机收很多钱。
一天，一位汽车司机对他说：“你夜以继日把汽车往外拉，肯定赚了很多钱。”“噢，不，”农夫说，“我夜里不拉车，而是往这坑里灌水。”23. A Shoebox
A man asks a woman to marry him, but before she agrees, she tells him that she keeps a shoebox under the bed and she never wants him to look in it. He understands. He figures he doesn’t like people looking in his wallet, and agrees that he will never look in the shoebox.
Well, five years go by and they are happily married. The husband is home alone one day and curiosity gets the best of him. He opens the box and looks inside three eggs and $5000 in cash. He is clueless.
When his wife comes home he confesses to looking in the box. “Now you have to tell me what it means.”he says.
“OK.”she answers,“Every time I’ve had an affair on you, I put an egg in the box.”
The man is flabbergasted. But then he thinks about it, and figures three affairs in five years isn’t too bad. He takes a deep breath and realizes he can deal with it.“So then what is the $5000?”he asks.
“Every time the box is full, I’ll sell them.”she answers.鞋盒
有个男子向女友求婚，在答应他的求婚之前，女子告诉他，她在床底下藏了一只鞋盒，并要他答应绝对不能去看盒子里的东西。男子表示他能够理解，他也不喜欢人去翻他的皮夹。
五年过去了，他们一直过着幸福的婚姻生活。有一天，先生独自在家，他的好奇心战胜了理智，于是他把鞋盒打开，看到里面放着三个蛋和五千元的现金。
他觉得莫明奇妙。当妻子回家之后，他坦承自己偷看鞋盒的事。“现在你可以告诉我这些东西代表什么吗？”他问。“可以。”他的妻子回答。“我每有一次外遇，就会在鞋盒里放粒蛋。”
男子听了愣住，但后来他想了一想，五年中有三次外遇还不算太坏。他深吸了一口气接受了这个事实。“那五千元又代表什么呢？”男子又问。“每次累积到一打蛋，我就会拿去卖钱。”妻子回答道。24. NASA Mars Mission
NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, that is to say the guy would never return to the Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“One million dollars,”the engineer answered,“and I want to donate it all to my almamater—Rice University.”
The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.
“Two millions dollars,”the doctor said,“and I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear,“Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?”the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied,“You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”国航局火星计划
美国国航局正在面试几位他们准备派往火星的专家。问题是只有一个人能去，而且这是一次单程旅行，也就是说那人不可能再回到地球上。
第一个申请人是一名工程师，面试官问他这次行动他想要多少钱。“一百万美元，”工程师回答，“我想把它全部捐给我的母校——赖斯大学。”
第二个申请人是一名医生，面试官问了他相同的问题。“两百万美元，”医生说，“我想留一百万给我的家人，然后把剩下的一百万捐赠出去以促进医学研究的发展。”
最后一位申请人是一名律师。当问到他想要多少报酬时，他凑近面试官的耳朵小声说：“三百万美元。”“为什么比别人多这么多？”面试官问道。
律师回答：“你给我三百万美元，我会给你一百万，自己留一百万，然后我们把工程师派出去。”25. Two plus Two
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with“How much is two plus two?”
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announced, “Four.”
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself,
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