作者：高雅哲,王宇莎
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休闲娱乐必读书系(套装共18册)试读：
总目录
CONTENTS
逗比朋友——英文笑话集
诡异逻辑——英文笑话集
秀外晦中——英文笑话集
极品醉爱——英文笑话集
浪漫满怀——英文笑话集
种瓜得豆——英文笑话集
无敌腹黑——英文笑话集
狗血江湖——英文笑话集
最强大脑——英文笑话集
动物也疯狂——英文笑话集
思维短路——英文笑话集
神级回复——英文笑话集
童言无戏——英文笑话集
离奇事件——英文笑话集
总统比逗——英文笑话集
那些年，微信流传的烧脑题之心理测试
那些年，微信流行的烧脑题之智力测验（一）
那些年，微信流行的烧脑题之智力测验（二）逗比朋友——英文笑话集
目录
CONTENTS逗比朋友——英文笑话集
上篇 逗比朋友
1 I Have the Key
2 That’s What I Want to Find Out
3 My Dog Can’t Read
4 Two Friends
5 Who Is this Speaking
6 Go Swimming
7 What Do You Call Your Other Arm
8 Tell the Difference
9 A Big Tiger
10 Choice Questions
11 I Don’t Know
12 Little Room
13 A Tip to Stay Awake
14 The Umbrella
15 Good Points and Bad Points
16 I Wasn’t Dead
17 Fishing
18 Dog Temperament
19 What Does It Say
20 Silly Dog
21 One Engine Left
22 The Poem Was Stolen
23 Tossing the Coin
24 My First and My Last
25 Pay As Little As Possible
中篇 走调职员
1 Fresh Milk
2 Argue
3 Do What You Can
4 What Should I Do
5 Interview God
6 Yes or No
7 How to Do It
8 Sooner or Later
9 Let Me Know What You Think
10 Two Attorneys
11 He’s Not Doing Any Digging
12 Connection
13 Keep Secret
14 Make Him a Conductor
15 You Were the Closest
16 Brag
17 The Oldest Profession
18 A Soldier Asked for Marriage
19 No Answer
20 What the Heck Is Wrong with My Wife？
21 Weather Predict
22 Problem with Gas
23 I Present Arms
24 Whose Dog Was the Smartest
25 Researching This Insect
26 Engineer
下篇 尴尬问答
1 Two Tickets
2 Still in the Same Cemetery
3 She Is Too Fat
4 I’m Not Beating My Wife
5 It’s a Mirror
6 Of Course
7 The Baldest Man
8 Wish He Were
9 The Smell Is Terrible
10 The Same Father
11 Pay Me Double the Tuition Fee
12 Churchill and Bernard Shaw
13 Business Just Started
14 God’s Perfect Masterpiece
15 Hearing Problem
16 The King’s Brother
17 Choose
18 Who Was the First Man
19 Not Having It All Cut Off
20 Where Is Your Father
21 My Wife Doesn’t Lay Eggs
22 Captain’s Sister
23 Letter to the Lord
24 Take Some Sand Paper Instead
25 The Wonder in the Bathtub
返回总目录上篇 逗比朋友1 I Have the KeyJesse called after his friend Edwin,“Hey, Edwin! Someone has stolen your treasure box. ”
Edwin smiled and said,“Don’t worry, John. I have the key. ”
我拿着钥匙呢
杰西在他的朋友艾德文后面高声地叫着：“嗨，艾德文！有人把你的珠宝盒给偷走了。”
艾德文边笑边回答：“不要紧，我拿着盒子上的钥匙呢。”2 That’s What I Want to Find Out
“We have got a new dog, would you like to come around and play with him？”
“Well, I don’t know. Does he bite？”
“That’s what I want to find out. ”
那正是我想知道的“我们新养了一条狗，你要过来和他玩玩吗？”“哦，我不知道。他咬人吗？”“这正是我想要知道的。”3 My Dog Can’t Read
Mrs. Jack: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Jack: It’s no use, my little dog can’t read.
狗不识字
杰克夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把最爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：你该在报纸上登广告啊！
杰克夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。4 Two Friends
“Sandy, please wait a minute! I wouldn’t say this to you, but now I can’t help it. You borrowed my umbrella three days ago, and haven’t returned it yet.”
“Oh, Jenny, I had no choice because it has been raining since then, you know.”
两个朋友“桑迪，请等一下！我不能不和你说一下了。三天前你就把我的伞借走了，可到现在你还没有还呢。”“哦，詹妮，我也没办法呀，你知道的，从那天起雨就一直在下。”5 Who Is this Speaking
Mr. Marcus was in the hospital for a long time.
One night the phone rang at the nurses’station.
“How is Mr. Marcus？”the caller asked.
“He’s doing very well. In fact, he’s being discharged tomorrow. Who is this speaking？”
“This is Mr. Marcus—the doctors don’t tell me a thing.”
你是谁
马库斯先生住院很长时间了。
一天夜里，护士站的电话铃响了。“马库斯先生还好吗？”打电话的人问。“他很好。事实上，他明天就可以出院了。你是谁？”“我就是马库斯先生——医生们什么都不告诉我。”6 Go Swimming
An American touring in the Sahara was dressed in a bathing suit. An Arabian gazed at him in amazement.
“I’m going swimming.”the tourist explained.
“But the ocean is five hundred miles away.”the Arab informed him.
“Five hundred miles!”the American exclaimed with a huge smile.“Boy, what a beach!”
去游泳
一位美国游客正身着泳装在撒哈拉沙漠观光。一个阿拉伯人惊奇地看着他。“我要去游泳。”游客解释说。“可大洋还有500英里远。”阿拉伯人对他说。“500英里！”美国人笑着惊叫道，“小伙子，这是一个多么大的海滩啊！”7 What Do You Call Your Other Arm
I went to a restaurant one day recently wearing a shirt with the designer’s signature on the right sleeve.
As I stood in line to wait for a table, an elderly gentleman tapped me on the shoulder. Pointing to the label, he said,“Nice name.”Then, in a curious tone, he asked, “What do you call your other arm？”
另一只手臂叫什么名字
最近有一天，我穿着一件右边袖子上有设计者签名的衬衫去了一家餐馆。
排队等候空桌时，一位年长的先生拍了拍我的肩膀，指着签名说：“好名字。”然后，他又好奇地问道：“你管另一只手臂叫什么？”8 Tell the Difference
I stopped by a friend’s house the other day and found him stalking around with a flyswatter.
When I asked if he had gotten any flies, he answered,“Yeah, three males and two females. ”
Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.
He answered,“Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone. ”
区分不同
几天前，我顺便到一个朋友家拜访，发现他正举着苍蝇拍四处拍打苍蝇。
我问他是否拍到几只苍蝇，他回答说：“拍到了，三只公的，两只母的。”
出于好奇，我问他是怎么区分的。
他回答说：“三只趴在啤酒罐上，两只贴在电话机上。”9 A Big Tiger
“Last week, ”Tom said to his friend Kenneth,“I went for a walk in a large park. The day was very cold, and the wind was blowing. Suddenly I saw a big tiger. ”
“What did you do？”asked Kenneth.
“I looked at him, put my hands into my pockets and went home.”answered Tom.
“Did it run after you？”asked Kenneth.
“Oh, no, it didn’t. You see, it was in the coop. ”
大老虎“上星期，”汤姆对他的朋友肯尼斯说，“我在一个大公园里散步。天冷风大。突然，我看到一只大老虎。”“你是怎么做的呢？”肯尼斯问道。“我看了看它，双手插进口袋就回家去了。”汤姆答道。“它追你了吗？”肯尼斯又问道。“噢，没有。你明白，它是在笼子里。”10 Choice Questions
My husband took two Graduate Record Exams on the same day and came home exhausted from hours of answering multiple choice questions. He collapsed on the sofa.
His wife came to inform him that dinner was ready and asked if he would prefer water, lemonade or milk with his meal.
He paused for a moment and then replied,“I’ll take C, the milk. ”
选择题
丈夫同一天参加了两项研究生入学考试。几个小时的多项选择题使他筋疲力尽，回家后他瘫倒在沙发上。
他的妻子走过来对他说，晚饭准备好了，问他吃饭时是想喝水、柠檬汁还是牛奶。
他停顿了一会儿，回答说：“我选C，牛奶。”11 I Don’t Know
Blake: My wife doesn’t understand me, does yours？
John: I don’t know. I’ve never heard her even mention your name.
我不知道
布莱克：我妻子不理解我，你妻子呢？
约翰：我不知道，我从来没听她提起过你的名字。12 Little Room
Billy checked into a hotel. But his wrath rose almost as soon as he left the desk.“I may be looked upon as a simple Irish lad from bogs, ”he roared to the porter who was carrying his bags,“but I’m not paying good money for a room no bigger than a cupboard with nothing but a little folding chair in it？”
“Please go in, sir. ”said the porter,“That’s a lift. ”
小房间
比利在一家旅馆办理了登记手续。但刚一离开服务台，他就火冒三丈。“你们竟敢把我当成从沼泽地里来的爱尔兰傻小子。”他对行李搬运工大声吼道，“我可不会付高价来住这样一个碗柜大小、只有一把小折椅的小房间！”“请进来吧，先生，”行李搬运工说，“这是电梯。”13 A Tip to Stay Awake
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he’d been a long‐haul truck driver.“I’d love to drive a big rig,”I said,“but I’d worry about falling asleep at the wheel.”“Here’s a tip to stay awake. ”he offered,“Put a ＄100 bill in your left hand and hold it out of the window. ”
保持清醒的诀窍
像我这样的技术支持人员会整天在电话里和顾客谈天说地。许多人喜欢在等他们的电脑重新启动的时候聊天。有一名男子告诉我，他曾经是长途卡车司机。我说：“我喜欢开大卡车，但是又担心开车的时候会睡着。”他说：“有一个诀窍，可以让你保持清醒。左手握一张一百美元的大票，然后把手伸到窗外去。”14 The Umbrella
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written,“This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes.”When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,“This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour. I shall not come back.”
雨伞
一位住在旅馆的先生把他的雨伞落在了大厅里，不过他在伞柄上系了一张卡片，上面写着：“此伞属于一位能举百磅的绅士。我将在十分钟内回来。”等他回来时，发现雨伞已经不翼而飞，取而代之的是另一张卡片，上面写着：“此卡是一位一小时能跑十英里的人留下的，我永远不回来了。”15 Good Points and Bad Points
“This house, ”said the real estate salesman,“has both its good points and bad points.To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about the disadvantage—there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”
“What are the advantages？”inquired the prospective buyer.
“The good thing about it, ”said the agent,“is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
优缺点“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了证明我是诚实的，我将告诉你它的缺点——往南面一个街区有一家化工厂，往北面一个街区有一家屠宰场。”“那么它有什么优点呢？”准备购买房子的人问道。“它的优点，”代理商说道，“就是你总能分出风是从哪边吹过来的。”16 I Wasn’t Dead
A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.
“Dead!”he exclaimed,“I wasn’t dead. And I knew I wasn’t dead because my feet were cold and I was hungry. ”
“But how did that make you sure？”
“Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn’t be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet shouldn’t be cold.”
我还没死
一个年轻人昏死了过去，但是当他的朋友们要掩埋他的时候，他却又苏醒过来。
他的一个朋友问他死的感觉是怎样的。“死！”他喊道，“我并没有死，我知道我没死，因为我的脚是凉的，而我又很饿。”“你怎么能肯定你没死？”“当然了，我知道如果我上了天堂，我就不会觉得饿；如果我下到地狱，那我的脚就不会是凉的了。”17 Fishing
Larry and Harry drove 300 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.
On the way home, Harry fiddled with a calculator while Larry drove. After an hour, Harry said,“Do you realize that this one fish we caught cost us almost ＄2,000？”
“Wow!”Larry saido“It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more.”
钓鱼
拉里和哈里驱车三百英里去钓鱼。两人花了一大笔钱租了一间小屋，又花了差不多同样的钱租了一条船。两人钓了三天，只钓到一条鱼。
在回家的路上，拉里开车，哈里拨弄着计算器。一小时后，哈里说：“你可知道我们钓的这条鱼几乎用掉我们2000美元？”“哇！”拉里说，“幸亏我们没有多钓到鱼。”18 Dog Temperament
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noticed that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the owner, whereas a good would lick his owner’s face or show concern.
One day, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor. The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the table for my pizza.
狗的性情
在一次关于狗的性情的研讨会上，教员告知大家一种测试犬科动物性情的方法——狗的主人摔倒并假装受伤。秉性差的狗会企图咬它的主人，而秉性好的狗会舔主人的脸或现出关心的神情。
有一天在卧室吃披萨的时候，我决定在自己的两条狗身上检验一下这个理论。我站起来，紧握住胸口，发出一声尖叫，然后倒在地上。这两条狗看了看我，又相互对视了一下，然后奔向餐桌去抢我的披萨。19 What Does It Say
I returned from Russia after living there nearly three years. My sister decided to surprise me by creating“Welcome Home”signs in Russian. She went to a website that offered translations, and printed the translated phrase onto cardboards. When I got off the plane, I saw my whole family, excitedly waving colored cardboards. My sister gave me a big hug, and pointed proudly to her creation.“Isn’t that great？”she said,“Bet you didn’t think I knew any Russian. ”I admitted that I was indeed surprised—the signs actually said,“Translation is not found. ”
它是什么意思
我在俄国住了将近三年以后回国。我妹妹打算给我一个惊喜，她用俄文做了一个“欢迎归来”的标语。她找了一个提供翻译的网站，并把翻译出来的文字打印在了硬纸板上。我一下飞机就看到全家人兴高采烈地挥舞着彩色的硬纸板。我妹妹给了我一个热烈的拥抱，并且自豪地指着她的作品说：“是不是很棒？我敢打赌你一定没想到我还懂一点俄语。”我承认我确实是大吃一惊。这标语实际上是说：“没有找到译文。”20 Silly Dog
Ian is a young man. He does not have a wife, but he has a very big dog, and he has a very small car too. He likes playing tennis. Last Monday he played tennis for an hour at his club, and then he ran out and jumped into a car. His dog came after him, but it didn’t jump into the same car. It jumped into the next one.
“Come here, silly dog!”Ian shouted at it, but the dog stayed in the other car.
Ian put his key into the lock of the car, but the key did not turn. Then he looked at the car again. It was not his!
He was in the wrong car! And the dog was in the right one!
蠢狗
伊恩是个小伙子，还没有妻子，但他有一条很大的狗和一辆很小的汽车。他喜欢打网球。上星期一，他在俱乐部打了一个小时网球，匆匆走出俱乐部，跳上了一辆车。狗跟随其后，却没有和伊恩上同一辆车，而是上了旁边的另一辆车。“过来，蠢狗！”伊恩对狗大声喊道，但狗卧在那辆车上一动不动。
伊恩把钥匙插进锁孔，却转不动钥匙。他仔细看了看车，发现这原来不是他的车！是他上错了车！而他的狗却上对了车！21 One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker.
“Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result. ”
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain’s voice aga‐ in,“Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. ”
At this point, one passenger became furious.“For Pete’s sake. ”he shouted.“If we lose another engine, we’ll be up here all night!”
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。”
过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了，只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”
正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都呆在天上了。”22 The Poem Was Stolen
One evening a young man at Oxford who was known to be something of a poet read one of his poems to a small group of friends in his room. The poem was greatly admired, but as they came away, one of the friends, Glen, said, I was very much interested in Alfred’s poem but it was stolen from a book. ”
This remark was repeated to Alfred, who was very annoyed and demanded an apology.
“Well,”said Glen,“I don’t often take back what I have said, but on this occasion I admit I was mistaken. When I returned to my room I looked in the book from which I thought the poem was stolen and I found it was still there. ”
偷诗
一天晚上，牛津大学一位有点诗才的年轻人在他的房间里给几个朋友念他写的一首诗，他这首诗大受称赞。但是，他们离开后，一个名叫格林的朋友说：“我对阿尔弗雷德的诗非常感兴趣，但他这是从一本书上偷来的。”
这话传到了阿尔弗雷德那里，他非常气恼，要求格林道歉。“噢，”格林说，“我说出去的话通常不会收回，但这次我承认是我错了。我以为他从那本书里偷走了这首诗，但等我回到房间看那本书时，发现那首诗还在那里。”23 Tossing the Coin
A beautiful girl reports for her University Final Examination that consists of Y／N‐type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the questions paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads for Y and tails for N.
Within half an hour she finishes her paper whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is desperately throwing the coin.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
“I finished the exam in half an hour. But,”she says,“I’m rechecking my answers. ”
掷硬币
一个漂亮的女孩参加大学期末考试，试题均为是非题。
她在考场座位上坐下来，盯着考题看了5分钟，随后突然灵机一动，拿出钱夹，掏出一枚硬币，然后一边抛硬币，一边填写答题纸。硬币正面朝上填“对”，反面朝上填“错”。
她不到半小时就做完了考题，而其他考生正在吃力地答题。在最后几分钟，她又在拼命掷硬币。
监考老师对她的行为提高了警惕，走到她跟前，问发生了什么事儿。“我半小时就做完了。不过，”她说，“我正在复查答案。”24 My First and My Last
When George was thirty‐two, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought,“I’ve travelled in a big plane several times, but I’ve never been in a small one, so I’ll go.”
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice,“Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane.”
George was very surprised and said,“Two trips ？”
“Yes, my first and my last. ”answered Mark.
第一次与最后一次
乔治三十二岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。
乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。
马克心想：“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”
升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。
后来他们着陆了，马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”
乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。25 Pay As Little As Possible
A businessman, who always tried to pay as little as possible for what he needed, felt ill one day. He decided to go to a doctor and asked a friend to recommend one.
“Dr. Smith has a good reputation. ”the friend told him.
“Is he expensive？”the businessman asked.
“Yes and no.He charges fifty dollars for the first visit, but only twenty dollars for each visit after that.”
“That seems reasonable. ”the businessman said, and went to visit Dr. Smith. As he walked into the consulting room, he said,“Well, here I am again, doctor, ”and put twenty dollars on the table.
The doctor looked at him carefully for a moment, then smiled and put the money into the drawer of this desk.“Thank you, ”he said,“And what can I do for you today？”
“Examine me, of course, ”the businessman said,“and tell me what’s wrong with me.”
“Oh, there’s no need for me to examine you again.”the doctor said,“Just continue taking the medicine I prescribed for you when you came to see me last time.”
省钱
一个商人总是想方设法为他需要的东西省钱。有一天，他突
然病了，决定去看医生，便请一位朋友给他推荐一位。“史密斯大夫声望不错。”朋友对他说。“他收费高吗？”商人问道。“高，但也可以说不算高。他第一次看病收费50美元，以后每次看病只收二十美元。”“听起来很合理。”商人说，然后就去史密斯大夫那里了。走进诊所时，他说：“噢，我又来了，大夫。”然后将二十美元放在了桌子上。
医生仔细看了他一会儿，然后面带微笑，将钱放进了办公桌抽屉里，说：“谢谢，你今天看什么病？”“当然是给我检查了，”商人说，“给我看看得了什么病。”“噢，我没必要再给你检查了，”医生说，“请继续吃你上次来时我给你开的药吧。”中篇 走调职员1 Fresh Milk
Customer: I wonder if this milk is fresh.
Waiter: Fresh？ Three hours ago it was grass!
新鲜奶
顾客：我想知道这牛奶是否新鲜。
侍者：新鲜？三小时前它还是草呢！2 Argue
A pair of economists went to a restaurant for lunch.
“Never mind the food.”one said to the waitress,“Just bring us the bill, so we can argue about it.”
争论
两名经济学家走进一家饭店吃午饭。“不要管是什么菜，”其中一位对女侍者说，“请把账单拿来，这样我们就能争论了。”3 Do What You Can
In a courtroom, the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said,“But Sir, I won’to live that long!”
So the judge replied,“Don’t worry, just do what you can!”
尽力就好
在法庭上，法官宣判某个罪犯要服三十年徒刑。犯人说：“法官，我活不了那么久啊！”
法官说：“别担心！你尽力而为就好。”4 What Should I Do
A man was at the doctor’s office.“Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do？”he asked.
“Take the spoon out of your coffee cup. ”answered the doctor.
我该怎么办“医生，每次我喝咖啡，右眼都有一种刺痛感。我该怎么办？”他问道。“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。5 Interview God
A reporter covering a coal‐mine disaster filed a story that began: “God looked at the grief today in this little West Virginia mining town, and He wept.”
The city editor emailed back,“Forget the mine cave‐in.Interview God.”
采访上帝
一名记者报道一次煤矿惨案时，发出的新闻是这样开始的：“上帝看着这座小小的西弗吉尼亚矿城今天沉浸在悲痛之中，也禁不住哭泣。”
城里的编辑回信说：“别再报道矿井坍塌事件了，采访上帝。”6 Yes or No
Approaching a passerby, a street bum asked,“Sir, would you give me a hundred dollar for a cup of coffee？”
“That’s ridiculous!”the man replied.
“Just a yes or no, fella, ”the beggar growled.“I don’t need a lecture about how to run my business.”
是与否
街头流浪汉走近一个行人，问道：“先生，你愿意给我一百元买一杯咖啡吗？”“真荒唐！”那人答道。“伙计，只说行或不行，”乞丐咆哮说，“我不需要谁来教训我怎样经营自己的生意。”7 How to Do It
A schoolgirl was sitting with her feet stretched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her.
“Sheila!”called the teacher sharply.
“Yes, sir？”questioned the girl.
“Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!”
怎样做
一女生坐在座位上，嘴里拼命地嚼着口香糖，脚还伸到过道里，被老师给看见了。“希拉！”老师大声地叫她。“怎么了，老师？”这个女孩问道。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把你的脚放进去！”8 Sooner or Later
A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.
Judge: Have you ever stolen things？
Thief: Oh, now and then.
Judge: And where have you stolen these things？
Thief: Oh, here and there.
Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.
Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail？
Judge: Oh, sooner or later.
迟早
一个有一长串案底的小偷被带到法官面前。
法官：你有没有偷东西？
小偷：噢，偶尔。
法官：你在哪儿偷的东西？
小偷：噢，到处。
法官：好吧。把他拷起来，警官。
小偷：嘿，我什么时候能出狱？
法官：噢，迟早。9 Let Me Know What You Think
Despite his best sales pitch, a life‐insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.
“I certainly don’t want to frighten you into a decision.”he announced, standing up to leave,“Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.”
告诉我你们的想法
尽管推销手段非常高超，但这名人寿保险推销员还是没能让一对夫妇签下这一单。“我确实不想吓唬你们作决定，”他站起来要离开时说，“请今晚睡觉时好好想想，如果你们第二天早上能醒来的话，务必把你们的想法告诉我。”10 Two Attorneys
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them,“You can’t eat your own sandwiches here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
两个律师
两个律师走进一个餐厅要了两杯饮料，从手提箱中拿出三明治开始吃起来。
餐厅老板走过来警告说：“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”
两个律师对看了一眼，耸耸肩，然后交换了手中的三明治。11 He’s Not Doing Any Digging
The squad was having visual training. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but without hesitation the recruit replied,“Sixteen men and a sergeant, sir.”
“Right, but how do you know there’s a sergeant there？”
“He’s not doing any digging, sir.”
他没有在挖
分队正在进行视力训练。一个机灵的新兵被分队长叫出来，清点远处旷野上采掘队的人数。挖掘队离得很远，那些人看起来只是一些小黑点，但这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答说：“16名士兵、一个军士，长官。”“不错，但你怎么知道那里有一个军士？”“他没有在挖，队长。”12 Connection
When I went to a country inn for lunch, an eager young hostess with a lovely French accent said,“This way, monsieur. ”I’ve spent quite a bit of time in France and always welcome the opportunity to practice the language.
“And what is your connection with France？ ”I asked in French.
Without turning a hair, she replied in perfect English,“Oh, my parents spent their honeymoon there. ”
联系
我去一家乡村酒店吃午饭时，一个操着甜美法国口音的年轻女招待说：“先生，这边请。”我已经在法国度过了相当一段时间，总是期待这种难得的锻炼语言的机会。“你和法国有什么联系吗？”我用法语问道。
她连头也没回，用完美的英语回答说：“噢，我的父母亲曾在那里度过蜜月。”13 Keep Secret
A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out‐of‐town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before going home but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar‐and‐grill with a questionable reputation.
试读结束[说明：试读内容隐藏了图片]