吉姆老爷(4级)(txt+pdf+epub+mobi电子书下载)

作者：（英）约瑟夫·康拉德

出版社：外语教学与研究出版社

格式: AZW3, DOCX, EPUB, MOBI, PDF, TXT

吉姆老爷(4级)试读：

内容简介

吉姆离开英格兰开始了水手生涯，他快乐地憧憬着等待他的海上新生活。他认为自己是个勇敢、尽责的人，就像他小时候读过的航海故事中的主人公一样，时刻准备着迎接将要到来的危险。

但当危险真正来临时，吉姆却没有准备好。他是“帕特纳号”的大副，这艘旧船载着800名乘客在横渡印度洋时遇险了。这正是勇者应当挺身而出的时候，但吉姆却没能表现得像他梦想中的英雄那样。很快，“懦夫”这个词在东方所有的海港传开了。

只有一个人相信吉姆。这个人是马洛，他试着帮助吉姆找到新的生活，后来，他把这段故事讲给朋友们听。故事讲述了吉姆找寻失去的荣誉的过程——通向灵魂阴暗处的心路历程，在那里，梦想和恐惧就像掠过月亮表面的阴影……

LORD JIM

When Jim leaves England to begin his life as a sailor, he dreams happily of the adventures waiting for him at sea. He sees himself as the brave man who always does his duty, just like the heroes in the sea stories he read as a boy. When danger comes, he will be ready for it.

But danger does come, and Jim is not ready for it. He is the first mate on board the Patna, an old ship taking 800 passengers across the Indian Ocean. When the accident happens and it is time for a brave man to do his duty, Jim fails to act like the hero of his dreams. Soon, the word 'coward' is whispered around all the sea ports of the Eastern seas.

Only one man believes in Jim. Marlow tries to help him find a new life, and in later years he tells the story to his friends. It is the story of Jim's search for his lost honour—a journey into the dark places of the soul, where dreams and fears move like shadows across the face of the moon...

1 Jim's early life

Jim had spent his childhood in a comfortable, peaceful home in the southwest of England. His father was a vicar, a kind man who always did his duty, and who had no doubts about what was right or wrong. The family house was warm and welcoming, with plenty of room for Jim and his four older brothers to play in. Close to it, on a hill, was the small grey church, standing, like a rock, where it had stood for centuries. There had been vicars in Jim's family for a hunderd years, but one of his brothers had already shown an interest in the Church, so his father had to find some other work for his youngest son. When Jim spent a whole summer reading sea stories, his father was delighted, and decided that Jim would join the merchant navy at once.

He was sent to a training ship on a busy, wide river near London; there two hundred boys slept, ate and worked together, learning everything a sailor needs to know. Because he was strong, and quick, and intelligent, he learnt fast, and was generally liked. The work seemed easy to him, and he was confident of his bravery in any danger. Sometimes at night he used to forget the crowd of noisy boys around him, and escape into his own dream world of sea stories. He saw himself swimming bravely through the waves to save passengers from sinking ships, fighting natives on lonely islands, and giving orders to frightened sailors to save their lives. He was always the brave man who did his duty, just like the heroes in the stories that he had read at home.

One evening he heard a sudden shout, 'Something's happened! On deck, all of you! Hurry!' He jumped to his feet, and joined the other boys as they ran up on to the deck.

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind was blowing strongly and heavy rain was falling. Jim stood without moving, staring at the cruel black waves. Was it him that the storm wanted? What would it be like, to fall into that cold water and drown?

'Send the lifeboat out!' came the order. In the darkness two small ships had crashed into each other, and there were distant voices crying for help. Boys ran past Jim, who still did not move. They jumped into the lifeboat and began to row as fast as they could towards the two damaged ships.

'Row together, you young dogs!' shouted a voice from the boat, 'if you want to save any lives!'

Jim had now run to the side of the ship and was looking down. He felt a hand on his shoulder. 'Too late, young man,' said the captain. Jim looked up, disappointed. The captain smiled. 'Better luck next time,' he said. 'This will teach you to move quickly in an emergency.'

The lifeboat came dancing back through the waves, half full of water. The boys had saved two men, who now lay exhausted in the bottom of the boat. Jim no longer felt afraid of the sea. It seemed to him that he cared nothing for the storm. He would live through greater dangers than that, and would show the world how brave he was. That night he sat alone, while the boys who had saved the two men's lives told their excited friends the whole story. When they described the waves, and the cold, and the sinking ships, Jim felt angry. They were so proud of what they had done! He, too, had wanted to show his bravery. But perhaps it was better this way. He had learnt more from this experience than any of them. The next time a brave man was needed, he alone, he felt sure, would know how to fight the wind and the seas. And as the other boys talked and laughed together, Jim dreamed happily of the next adventure and his chance to prove himself.

After two years of training, he went to sea. He made many voyages on many different ships, but surprisingly there were no adventures. The sea had not yet tested him, or shown him the secret truth of his pretences. However, although he was still very young, he soon became chief mate of a fine ship. Unfortunately, he was badly hurt during a storm at sea, and when the ship reached an Eastern port, he was taken to hospital. His broken leg needed time to mend, and so he was left behind when his ship sailed away.

Time passed slowly in the hospital, where the patients played cards, and slept, and told each other stories. There were brightly coloured flowers in the gardens, and warm, soft air blew in through the open windows. The hospital was on a hill, and had an excellent view of the port, which was always busy, as it was on one of the main sea routes to the East. Jim felt wonderfully calm as he looked out every day at the ships like toys in the sea, with the endless blue of the Eastern sky above, and the smiling peace of the Eastern seas all around.

As soon as he could walk, he left the hospital and started looking for a ship to take him back to England. While waiting, he naturally spent time with other European seamen in the port. Many of them had become lazy. They were used to the easy life of a white sailor in the East, and did not want to return to the bad weather, harder conditions and more dangerous duties of the West. They talked, not of work, but of luck, and chance, and money. At first, Jim refused to listen to them. But soon he began to find these men strangely interesting. How did they make a success of their lives, with so little work and so little danger? And suddenly, he decided not to go home to England, and took a job as chief mate of the Patna.

The Patna was a local ship, as old as the hills, and in very bad condition. Her captain was a German whose home was in Australia, a very large, fat, cruel man, who felt that he owed no duty to anybody. He had arranged to take eight hundred pilgrims to the city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia.

Jim watched as the native people hurried on to the ship, filling every corner like water in a container. Eight hundred men and women had come from north and south, from islands and villages, over mountains and down rivers. At the call of an idea they had left their forests, their farms, their homes—strong men, young boys, little girls, women with heads covered, and sleeping babies. 'Look at these animals,' said the German captain to his new chief mate.

The Patna left the port, and started across the Indian Ocean towards the Red Sea. The five white seamen lived separately from the pilgrims, who were packed close together on every deck and in every corner. The days were hot and heavy, and the ship moved slowly across a flat, lifeless sea. There were no clouds in the burning sky, and it was too hot to think or feel.

The nights were beautiful. A wonderful calm seemed to cover the world, and the young moon shone down on the smooth, cool sea. Jim thought that there was nothing but peace and happiness in nature, as he breathed in the soft air, while in all the dark corners around him the pilgrims slept, trusting the white men to keep them safe.

Two Malays stood silently at the wheel. Jim walked along the deck, and looked at the dark water. He did not see the shadow of what was to come. In fact, he felt that nothing could hurt him on a night like this. He had been responsible for the ship for several hours now, and he was feeling sleepy.

'Anything to report?' The captain had come up noiselessly behind him. His face was red, with one eye half closed, the other staring and glassy. His fat body shook when he walked, and his clothes were dirty and unbuttoned. Jim answered his captain politely, but moved a little away from the ugly figure who had destroyed the night's peace.

The ship continued to move smoothly over the flat sea. 'You can't imagine how hot it is down below,' said a voice. It was the young second engineer, who had come up on deck for some fresh air. He did not seem able to speak clearly. 'Why I work on this old ship, I don't know,' he went on. 'We engineers work twice as hard as you sailors, and—'

'Don't speak to me like that, you dog!' shouted the captain. 'Where did you get your drink?'

'Not from you, captain!' laughed the engineer. 'You're too mean for that! No, the good old chief gave me some.'

The chief engineer was a well-known drinker, who normally kept his drink to himself. Tonight, however, he had given some to the second engineer, who was not used to it. The chief and the captain had worked together on many ships, and people in the Patna's home port said that they had been guilty of every crime you could think of, at one time or another.

Jim watched the captain getting angrier and angrier, and the young man shouting louder and louder. He smiled to himself. These men did not belong to the world of adventure. They had nothing to do with him. He was almost asleep on his feet.

Suddenly the engineer was thrown forward on to his face, and lay silent on the deck. Jim and the captain stared at the calm sea, and looked up at the stars. What had happened? They could still hear the engines turning. Had the earth stopped? Now the cloudless sky and the quiet sea looked less safe than before. 'What was that?' cried the engineer, holding his arm in pain. There was a noise like distant thunder, and the ship trembled. The two Malays at the wheel looked at the white men, but received no orders, so did not move. The Patna lifted a little in the water, and then continued smoothly on her way.

trust v. to feel sure that someone is good and honest; to believe in someone 信任。

jungle n. an area of land with dense forest and tangled vegetation, typically in the tropics 热带丛林。

vicar n. a priest in the Church of England who is in charge of a church in a particular area （英国国教的）教区牧师。

welcoming adj. pleasing; a place that makes you happy and relaxed （地方）令人愉悦的。

merchant navy ships (and the sailors who work on them) that carry goods from country to country 商船队。

deck n. any of the floors of a ship 甲板。

row v. to propel (a boat) with oars 划船。

emergency n. a serious, unexpected, and potentially dangerous situation requiring immediate action 紧急情况；不测事件。

live through to survive a difficult experience or period 度过（困境）。

go to sea to become a sailor 去当水手。

pretence n. an act of pretending 假装。

chief mate a ship's officer who is one rank below the captain 大副。

pilgrim n. someone who travels a long way to a place of religious importance 朝圣者。

container n. an object for holding something 容器。

glassy adj. (of a person's eyes or expression) showing no interest or animation （眼神等）无神的。

mean adj. selfish in a petty way 吝啬的。

1．吉姆的早年生活

吉姆大半辈子都在东方的海岸工作，他在那里很受欢迎。他是个出色的水手，每个人都喜欢他，信任他。他个头高挑，身材魁伟，嗓音浑厚，谈吐中流露着自信。对于他的那些雇主和船长而言，他就是吉姆，仅此而已。他不希望人们知道他的姓，这是有特别原因的。但在港区，没有什么秘密能隐藏很久。很快，肯定会有某个对他知根知底的人来到这里。每到这个时候，吉姆都会立即辞去他薪水丰厚的工作，转移到另一个海港。几年里，他先后辗转于孟买、加尔各答、仰光、槟榔屿和雅加达，不断朝着太阳升起的地方迁徙。终于，他再也无法忍受这样的生活了。他永远离开了海港和白人，独自隐匿在马来西亚丛林的一个偏僻乡村中，远离所有认识他的人。当地村民给他取了一个名字，图安吉姆，翻译成我们的话就是“吉姆老爷”。

吉姆的童年是在英格兰西南部一个舒适、祥和的家庭度过的。父亲是牧师，为人和善，总是尽职尽责，明辨是非。吉姆的家很温馨，足够他和四个哥哥尽情玩耍。旁边不远处是一座小山，山上有一座灰色的小教堂，它如同一块岩石，已经矗立了好几个世纪。一百年来，吉姆的家族中一直有人从事牧师职业，但他的一个哥哥已经表现出了对教会的兴趣，因此父亲得为小儿子找点儿别的事做。因为吉姆整个夏天都在读关于航海的故事，父亲高兴地决定立即让他加入商船队。

吉姆被送到一艘训练船上，训练船在伦敦附近一条忙碌、宽阔的河上。在那里，两百个年轻人同吃同睡，一起干活儿，学习水手需要知道的所有知识。吉姆强壮而聪敏，学东西快，而且大家都喜欢他。这些活儿对他来说似乎很轻松，他也坚信自己面对任何危险都能勇往直前。有时他会在夜里忘掉身边那一群吵闹的年轻人，独自沉溺在航海故事的梦幻中。他仿佛看见自己英勇地与海浪搏斗，从正在下沉的船只中救出乘客，在孤岛上与土人搏斗，命令被吓破了胆的水手自救。他是个勇敢而尽责的人，和他在家读的故事里的主人公一样。

一天晚上，他突然听见有人喊：“出事了！所有人上甲板！快！”他跳起来，和其他年轻人一起跑向甲板。

这是一个漆黑的暴风雨夜，外面狂风肆虐，大雨倾盆。吉姆一动不动地站在那里，凝视着残酷的黑色海浪。这暴风雨是要吞噬他吗？掉进这么冰冷的水中被淹死会是什么样呢？

有人命令：“把救生艇划过去！”两艘小船在黑暗中撞在了一起，远处传来一声声求救的呼喊。小伙子们从吉姆身边跑过，但他仍然一动不动。他们跳进救生艇，以最快的速度划向两艘被毁的船只。“一起划船，小家伙们！”救生艇上有一个声音喊着，“如果你们想救人的话！”

此时吉姆已经跑到了船的一侧向下看。他感到肩膀上有一只手。“太晚了，年轻人。”船长说。吉姆满脸沮丧地抬起头。船长微笑着说：“希望你下次好运。这件事将教你学会在紧急状况中要快速行动。”

救生艇冲过惊涛骇浪颠簸着划了回来，灌了半船的水。小伙子们救回的两个人现在筋疲力尽地躺在救生艇里。吉姆不再害怕大海了。在他看来，他似乎对风暴已毫不在乎。他会度过比这更大的危险，向世界展示他的勇气。那一夜他独自坐着，听去救了人的小伙子们向兴奋的朋友们讲述整个经过。他们描述着海浪、寒冷和沉船；吉姆觉得很气愤，他们对自己做的事如此骄傲！吉姆也想展现他的勇敢，但现在的结果可能更好。他比其他任何人从这次经历中学到的都多。他相信，下一次需要勇者出手时，只有他知道如何与风浪和大海搏斗。其他年轻人在一起说笑着，而吉姆则幸福地想象着下一次历险，下一个证实自己的机会。

两年的训练结束后，他当了水手。他在很多只船上作过多次航行，但奇怪的是一直没有什么历险。大海还没有考验他，没有揭示外表之下真实的他。虽然他年纪轻轻，却很快在一艘不错的船上当了大副。不幸的是，他在海上的一次暴风雨中受了重伤。船只驶达东方海港时，他被送到了医院。他骨折的腿需要时间恢复，所以船启航时，他被留了下来。

医院里的时间过得很慢。病人们玩牌，睡觉，彼此讲故事。花园里开着艳丽的花，和煦的轻风透过敞开的窗户吹进来。医院坐落在一座小山上，可以清楚地看到港口。因为处于通往东方的主航线上，这个港口总是很忙碌。每天，吉姆看着海面上玩具一样的船只，上面是东方无边无际的蓝色天空，四周弥漫着东方海域祥和、宁静的氛围。每到这时，吉姆就感到格外的平静。

他刚能下床走路，就马上离开医院，想找一艘船带他回英格兰。在等船的时候，他自然同港口其他的欧洲海员待在一起。他们当中有许多人已经变得懒惰起来。他们习惯了白人海员在东方的安逸生活，不想回到气候恶劣、条件更艰苦、职责更危险的西方。他们谈论的不是工作，而是运气、机会和金钱。起初，吉姆不愿意听他们的谈话，但很快他开始发现这些人有趣得很。他们没干多少活儿，没有担多大的风险，但却很成功。他们是如何做到的呢？突然，他决定不回英格兰老家了，他做起了帕特纳号船的大副。

帕特纳号是一艘本地船，已经破旧不堪了。船长是一个德国人，家在澳大利亚，长得又高又壮，是个心狠手辣的人，觉得自己对任何人都没有责任。他已经安排运送八百个朝圣者去沙特阿拉伯的麦加。

吉姆看到许多本地人匆忙上船，填满了每个角落，就像往容器里注满水。这八百个男男女女从南北各地的小岛或村庄翻山涉水而来。在信仰的召唤之下，他们离开了森林、农场和家园。他们当中有身强力壮的男子，年幼的孩子，裹着头巾的女人，还有熟睡的婴儿。“瞧瞧这些畜牲们。”德国船长向新来的大副说。

帕特纳号离开港口，穿越印度洋驶向红海。朝圣者挤满了每层甲板的各个角落，而五个白人水手睡在别的地方。天又闷又热，船缓慢地行驶在死气沉沉的海面上。炽热的天空中没有一片云，天热得让人无法思考，没有知觉。

夜色很美。一种惬意的宁静似乎笼罩着这个世界，上弦月照在平静、清凉的海上。吉姆呼吸着柔和的空气，觉得大自然中只剩下安宁和幸福。朝圣者在他周围每一个黑暗的角落里熟睡着，满心相信白人会保证他们的安全。

两个马来人静静地站在舵轮旁。吉姆沿着甲板漫步，望向黑暗的海水。他没有看到即将到来的阴影。事实上，他觉得在这样的一个夜晚没有什么能伤害他。此时他值班已经有好几个小时了，他感到几分睡意。“有什么事要报告吗？”船长从他后面悄无声息地走过来。他的脸很红，一只眼皮耷拉着，另一只眼无神地大睁着。他走路时身上的肥肉一颤一颤的。他的衣服脏兮兮的，扣子也没系。吉姆彬彬有礼地回话，但却退开几步。这个丑陋的人破坏了夜的平静。

船继续在平静的海上航行。“你们想象不出下面有多热！”一个声音说道，是年轻的大管轮。他上甲板来呼吸新鲜空气。他的口齿不太清楚。“我真不知道自己为什么要在这艘旧船上工作，”他继续说，“我们轮机员的工作比你们船员加倍辛苦，而且……”“别那样跟我说话，你这家伙！”船长吼道，“你的酒从哪儿弄来的？”“我没喝你的酒，船长！”轮机员笑着说，“你那么吝啬，怎么会给我酒喝呢！不是你的，是好心的老轮机长给的。”

轮机长是出了名的酒鬼，通常都是有酒自己喝的。但今晚他也给了大管轮一些，大管轮喝了不太适应。轮机长和船长曾在很多船上一起共事，据帕特纳号船籍港的人说，这两个人无恶不作，一直没老实过。

吉姆看着船长的火气越来越大，年轻人的声音也越来越高。吉姆暗自笑了笑。这些人不属于历险的世界。他们与他毫无关系。他站着都快睡着了。

突然，轮机员向前栽了下去，然后便倒在甲板上没了动静。吉姆和船长盯着平静的海面，又抬头看了看星星。这是怎么回事？他们仍然能听见发动机在运转。是地球停止了转动吗？此时，无云的天空和平静的海面似乎不像刚才那样安全了。“怎么回事？”轮机员喊道，痛苦地捂着自己的胳膊。远处仿佛有雷鸣传来，船在颤抖。舵轮旁的两个马来人看着白人上司，但没有接到命令，所以没有动。帕特纳号在水中升高了一点儿，然后继续平稳地前进。

2 Marlow meets Jim

The inquiry was held in the crowded police court of an Eastern port. Jim stood there, in front of them all, while many eyes looked at him out of dark, white, and red faces, like staring shadows. They saw a large, good-looking young man, with a straight back and unhappy eyes. The three judges, two of whom were sea captains, sat together under a large window. They asked Jim clear questions, which he answered truthfully. Outside, the sun was beating down, and the air was heavy in the courtroom. Jim's voice seemed very loud to him; it was the only sound in the world. The painful questions they asked him appeared to come from inside him, like the questioning of his conscience.

'So after you realized the ship had hit something underwater, your captain ordered you to go and see if there was any damage?' asked one of the sea captains.

'Yes,' said Jim. 'I discovered a big hole in the metal wall of the ship, below the water. I didn't think of danger just then. I was surprised, because it had happened so quickly. I was on my way back to tell the captain, when I met the second engineer. He had broken his left arm when he was thrown forward earlier. When I told him about the damage, he cried, "My God! The whole ship will be full of water in a minute!" He pushed me away with his right arm and ran up on to the bridge, shouting as he went. I followed him, and was in time to see the captain hit him. The captain ordered him to keep quiet and go and stop the engines.'

Jim hoped that if he described everything exactly, and gave all the facts, the people in the courtroom would understand the full horror of it. Every small detail of what had happened was important. Fortunately he remembered it all very clearly. There was something else as well, something unseen and evil, that had helped to cause the disaster. He wished to make that clear. He wanted to go on talking, to find out the truth. But although he spoke calmly and carefully, he felt like a trapped animal, desperately searching for a way out.

The questioning continued. Jim was beginning to feel very tired. His mouth was tastelessly dry, and his head felt hot, while the rest of his body was cold. While he waited for the next question, his eyes rested on a white man sitting by himself. He had a worn, clouded face, with clear, quiet eyes. Jim answered another question, and wanted to cry out, 'Is it worth going on? Is it really worth it?' He met the eyes of the white man, who was looking at him differently from all the others in the courtroom. It was an honest, intelligent look. Telling the truth was not enough, thought Jim; words were no good to him any longer. And that man appeared to understand his hopeless difficulty.

That stranger with the clear, quiet eyes was Marlow. And later on, in distant parts of the world, Marlow often remembered Jim, and talked about him. It was usually after dinner in a friend's house, when men sat comfortably in their armchairs on the veranda and smoked their cigars, that Marlow was asked to talk. In the darkness, as he sat surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers and a group of listening men, every detail of that fresh young face and straight figure came back to Marlow. He could almost imagine himself back in the past, and he often began with a warning to his listeners.*　　*　　*

My friends, It's easy enough to talk about young Jim, but don't be too quick to judge him. A good dinner, an excellent cigar, and a beautiful evening of freshness and starlight like this make us forget how difficult life can be. We all try to do what is right, but the best of us can take the wrong route occasionally. Yes, I was at the official inquiry, and saw Jim there, but I had seen him before.

The first news we had of the Patna was a mysterious message from Aden, that a damaged ship full of pilgrims had been found without its officers, in the Indian Ocean. The whole waterfront—boatmen, natives, officials, clerks—talked of nothing else for two weeks. Then, one fine morning, I was standing near the port office, when I saw four men walking towards me, and suddenly realized that they must be the missing officers from the Patna. I recognized the captain, a fat, ugly German, who was well known in all the Eastern ports as a an irresponsible and dishonest seaman. Behind him was the chief engineer, a tall, thin man, and the second engineer, with a broken arm. The fourth was a young man with fair hair and square shoulders, who stood with his hands in his pockets, turning his back on the others. This was my first view of Jim, and I was strangely interested in him, because he looked so clean-faced, so strong, so brave. I felt almost angry. If a man who looks like that can go wrong, I thought, who can you trust?

Captain Elliott was the chief port official in those days, and as soon as he realized the captain of the Patna had arrived, he sent for him. Elliott believed strongly in duty and responsibility, and didn't mind who he shouted at. Through the open windows of his office we all heard what he thought of the Patna's captain, and in a very few moments the fat man came running angrily out of Elliott's office. He saw me looking at him, and said, 'That crazy Englishman in there called me a dog!' I smiled. 'Dog' was the politest word that had reached me. 'But I don't care!' he continued, his face purple with anger. 'The Pacific is big, my friend. If you English take away my master's certificate, if you won't let me command a ship here, I'll go to—to Apia, to Honolulu—they know me there!' I could easily imagine what kind of people knew him there.

I looked over at the young man again, wanting to see him angry, unhappy, ashamed. But he looked completely unworried, and I couldn't understand it. I liked the look of him; he appeared to be that good, honest kind of man who is not interested in ideas, but who does his work well and lives his life bravely to the end. I've had my own ship for a long time now, and I've trained enough young sailors in my time to be able to judge whether you can trust a man or not. It worried me that perhaps I had made a mistake with Jim. Was there something missing in his character? What had made him act like that?

The two engineers were now standing in front of their captain, but he turned away from them and hurried over to a horse and trap. He climbed in, shouted impatiently at the driver, and before anyone could do anything to stop him, the horse and trap disappeared in a cloud of dust. Where did he go? To Apia, or Honolulu? Nobody ever saw him again.

At the official inquiry, which took place a week later, and lasted three days, Jim was the only one who was questioned. The captain had escaped, and both the engineers were in hospital. The one with the broken arm had a bad fever, and the chief engineer had been drinking brandy for three days and could no longer talk sensibly. In my opinion, the only truth worth knowing was not how, but why, the officers had left the ship, and I realized the inquiry would not discover this. Judges are not paid to look into a man's soul, but only to see the results of his actions.

One of the inquiry officials was Captain Brierly, known in all the Eastern ports as a brave officer and an excellent seaman. Young, healthy and successful, he seemed to be one of those lucky men who never make a mistake, and who therefore have a high opinion of themselves. We all thought nothing could touch him or his self-confidence. But we were wrong, because he killed himself a week after the inquiry. I think now that while the other two judges were questioning Jim, Brierly was holding his own silent inquiry, questioning himself. I think his conscience was accusing him of—who knows what? It wasn't anything to do with money, or drink, or women. But at the end of it, he found himself guilty, and drowned himself, leaving letters for his chief mate and the ship's owners.

During the inquiry I had a conversation with him, which I remember especially well, because of his sudden death only a few days later. He spoke to me at the end of the first day.

'Don't you think it's stupid?' he asked me angrily. I looked at him in surprise. Brierly was normally very calm. 'Why are we attacking that young man? Why should he eat all that dirt? Why doesn't he run away?'

'He probably hasn't any money,' I answered.

'We should put an end to this now,' Brierly continued. 'This kind of thing destroys people's confidence in us seamen. I'll give you some money, Marlow, and you talk to him. Tell him to leave. Give him another chance. People will forget about it very soon, and he can get on with his life. Of course I can't suggest this to him myself, but you could.'

And so I saw, just for a moment, the real Brierly. Naturally I refused to do what he wanted, because I didn't like the way he expected me to arrange Jim's escape, and because I thought it was brave of Jim to accept the blame. I certainly did not realize how important it was to Brierly, who was perhaps remembering some mistake in his own past.

At the end of the second day of the inquiry, I was talking to someone I knew, while leaving the courtroom. I noticed Jim's wide shoulders in front of us. My friend saw a yellow dog running between people's legs, and said with a laugh, 'Look at that miserable dog!' I saw Jim turn round immediately. He stepped forward and stared at me. My friend reached the door and went out, and the crowd disappeared. Suddenly Jim and I were alone, where there had been hundreds of people a few moments earlier. The building was strangely silent.

'Did you speak to me?' asked Jim, very low. His face was darkening, and he looked violent.

'No,' I said, watching him. 'You've made a mistake.'

'I won't let anyone call me names outside this court,' he said. I could see that he was deeply angry, although he spoke so quietly.

'But I really don't know what you mean,' I said, trying hard to remember what I had said or done.

'I'll soon show you I'm not a dog!' he cried, moving towards me.

Then, finally, I understood. 'My God!' I said. 'You don't think I called you a...'

'But I'm sure... I heard someone say it,' he replied.

Silently I showed him the corner of the building, where the dog was sitting in the shadows. At first he did not seem to understand, then he looked surprised, and then ashamed. The red of his fair, sunburnt skin deepened suddenly from his neck right up to his hair. I felt very sorry for him. He had opened his soul to me, and got nothing back. He turned and ran outside.

I had to run fast to catch up with him, and started a breathless conversation. By now his self-control had returned, and he apologized. 'You see,' he explained, 'there are so many staring people in court who probably think—what I thought you said. In court I have to accept that, and I do, but outside it's different.'

I don't pretend I understood him, but I wanted to know more about him, so I invited him to dinner at the Malabar House Hotel, where I was staying.

inquiry n. a court case to find out why something happened 询问，质询。

conscience n. knowing in your mind what is right or wrong about your own actions 良知。

courtroom n. the room or building in which a court of law meets 法庭；审判室。

trap v. to catch an animal using a special equipment 用陷阱捕猎。

desperately adv. in a desperate way; in despair 绝望地。

veranda n. a roofed platform along the outside of a house, level with the ground floor 阳台。

waterfront n. a part of a town or city alongside a body of water 码头区。

master's certificate licence that gives the holder the right to be a ship's captain 商船的船长执照。

ashamed adj. feeling embarrassed or guilty 惭愧的。

sensibly adv. in a state of showing common sense 明智地。

guilty adj. culpable of a specified wrongdoing 有罪的。

darken v. make or become unhappy or angry 变得阴郁。

sunburnt adj. (of skin) red and painful, as a result of overexposure to the sun 晒黑的。

self-control n. the ability to control one's emotions or behaviour, especially in difficult situations 自我控制，自制力。

2．马洛与吉姆相识

大约一个月以后，吉姆接受了官方的审讯。法官让他说说帕特纳号到底遇到了什么事。他尽可能实事求是地描述那段经历：“船撞到了什么东西，但很顺利地通过了，就像油淌过木棍一样。”

审讯是在一个东方港口拥挤的治安法庭进行的。吉姆面对大家站在那儿，许多双眼睛看着他，有黑人，有白人，还有当地人，都像幽灵一样盯着他。他们看到的是一个身材魁梧、相貌英俊、腰杆笔直、眼神忧郁的年轻人。三个法官坐在一扇大窗户下，其中有两人是船长。他们清楚地提问，吉姆都如实作答。屋外的太阳火辣辣的，屋子里很沉闷。吉姆觉得自己的声音特别大，仿佛是世界上唯一的声响。法官的问题让他痛苦，它们好像来自他的内心，在审问他的良知。“那么，你意识到船撞到了水面下的什么东西之后，船长让你看看船有没有受损，对吗？”一个船长问。“是的，”吉姆说，“我发现船的金属壁破了一个大洞，在水面下。那时我想到的不是危险。我太吃惊了，因为事情发生得太快。我正要回去报告船长时，遇见了大管轮。他刚才摔倒的时候把左胳膊摔断了。我告诉了他船的破损情况，他喊道：‘上帝啊！整艘船马上就会灌满水！’他用右臂将我推开，边喊边冲上舰桥。我跟在他后面，刚好撞见船长打了他一拳。船长命令他不要出声，去把发动机关掉。”

吉姆希望准确地描述每件事情，把一切都和盘托出，就能让法庭上的人清楚地体会到船上的恐慌。每个小细节都至关重要。还好，这些他都记得很清楚。但还有某种别的因素，某种看不见的罪恶的东西，促使了这场灾难的发生。他希望把这一点说清楚。他想继续说下去，找出真相。他平静而仔细地述说着，但尽管这样，他仍感觉自己像一只掉进陷阱的动物，绝望地寻找着出路。

问讯还在继续。吉姆累了。他嘴巴发干，头也有点儿热，但身体的其他部分却感觉冷。他在等待下一个问题时，眼神落在一个独自坐着的白人身上。那人脸色憔悴、阴沉，但眼睛是明亮而平静的。吉姆又回答完一个问题，他真想大喊：“还值得问下去吗？真的值得吗？”他与那个白人的眼神相遇了。那人正看着他，但与法庭中其他的人不同，这人的目光充满诚实与智慧。吉姆明白，把事实说出来也无济于事；言语对他已经没有用了。这个白人似乎体会到了他的无助。

眼睛明亮而平静的陌生人名叫马洛。在后来的日子里，马洛常常会在远方记起、谈起吉姆，通常是在朋友家吃完饭，大家惬意地坐在阳台的扶手椅上抽雪茄的时候，会有人要求马洛说说吉姆。在黑暗中，马洛在芬芳的花朵和围坐的听众中间仿佛又看到了那年轻的脸庞和笔直的身形，每个细节都清清楚楚。他几乎以为自己又回到了过去。在讲述之前他往往会给听众一个忠告。*　　*　　*

我的朋友们，谈论年轻的吉姆很容易，但不要急于去评判他。一顿可口的晚餐，一支上品雪茄，一个有着清新空气和闪闪星光的美好夜晚，就像今晚一样，会让我们忘记生活的艰辛。我们都尽力去做正确的事，但我们中最优秀的人也会偶尔误入歧途。的确，我出席了那次审讯，在那儿看见了吉姆，但我以前已经见过他了。

我们得到的有关帕特纳号的最初信息来自亚丁，那神秘的消息说，一艘满载朝圣者的破损船只在印度洋被发现，船上没有船员。两周以来，码头区的所有人——船夫、当地人、官员和职员全在谈论此事。接着，一个晴朗的早晨，我正站在港口办公室附近，看见四个人向我走来，突然意识到他们正是帕特纳号上失踪的船员。我认出了那个船长，那个难看的德国胖子，他的不负责任和不诚实在东方的所有港口是出了名的。他身后跟着又高又瘦的轮机长和断了一只胳膊的大管轮。第四个人是一个肩膀宽厚的金发青年，他双手插在口袋里，背对其他人站着。这是我第一次见到吉姆。我莫名地对他很感兴趣，因为他面容清秀，看起来强壮而勇敢。我几乎有些愤怒。如果这样的人也能犯错误，还有谁能信得过呢？

那时埃利奥特船长是港口的首席官员，他得知帕特纳号的船长到了之后，就马上派人把他找来。埃利奥特很看重义务和责任，无论对谁都敢大发雷霆。透过他敞开的办公室窗户，所有的人都听见了他对帕特纳号船长的怒斥，不一会儿那个胖子愤怒地跑了出来。他见我看着他，说：“那个英国疯子骂我是狗！”我笑了笑，“狗”是我听到的用在他身上的最礼貌的词了。“但我不在乎！”他继续说，脸气得发紫，“太平洋大着呢，我的朋友。如果你们英国人没收了我的船长执照，不许我指挥这儿的船，我就去——去阿皮亚，去檀香山——那儿有人认识我！”我不难想象认识他的人都是什么样儿的。

我再次打量那个年轻人，以为会看到他的愤怒、悲伤与羞愧。但他看上去镇定自若，让我无法理解。我喜欢他的样子；他看上去善良而诚实，是个没有什么想法，但却会努力工作，勇敢地活到最后的人。那时，我拥有自己的船已有些时日了，我训练过很多年轻船员，因此能判断出一个人是否可以信赖。我担心自己对吉姆的判断也许有误。他的性格中会不会缺少了某些东西？是什么让他做出这样的举动？

两个轮机员现在就站在船长前面，但是船长走开了，匆忙奔向一辆轻便马车。他爬进去，不耐烦地叫车夫出发，在人们能够阻止他之前，马车已经绝尘而去。他去了哪里，阿皮亚还是檀香山？从此再没有人见过他。

一星期后，为期三天的审讯开始了，但接受问讯的只有吉姆一人。船长逃跑了，两个轮机员都在医院里。胳膊断了的那个发起了高烧，而轮机长则喝了三天白兰地，根本不能清醒地说话。在我看来，唯一值得了解的事实不是船员怎样离开了船，而是他们为什么离开；而我也知道，审讯是查不出真相的。法官的工作不是去探察人的灵魂，而只是看他行动的结果。

布赖尔利船长是法官之一，他既是个勇敢的高级船员，也是个出色的水手，在东方所有的海港都赫赫有名。他年轻、健康、成功，似乎是那些从不犯错的幸运儿之一，因此也很有些自以为是。我们都认为什么都无法触动他和他的自信。但是我们错了，因为在审讯后一个星期他就自杀了。现在想起来，我觉得当其他两个法官审问吉姆的时候，布赖尔利正在默默地审问他自己。我想是他的良心让他受到了谴责——谁知道呢？这与钱、酒和女人都无关。但最后他发现自己有罪，所以自溺而死，给他的大副和船主留了几封信。

在审讯期间，我同他交谈过一次，我记得特别清楚，因为仅仅几天后他就突然死了。他在第一天审讯结束时跟我聊了起来。“你不认为这样很愚蠢吗？”他愤怒地问我。我惊讶地看着他，因为布赖尔利通常都很平静。“为什么我们要攻击那个年轻人？为什么他要背上所有的黑锅？为什么他不逃走？”“也许是因为他没有钱。”我回答。“我们应该结束这件事，”布赖尔利接着说，“这种事会摧毁人们对咱们水手的信任。我给你一些钱，马洛，你去和他谈谈，让他离开，再给他一次机会。人们会很快忘记这件事的，他可以继续他的生活。当然，我不能亲自去告诉他这样做，但是你能。”

就这样，我在片刻间看到了真实的布赖尔利。我自然拒绝了他的要求，因为我不喜欢他让我去安排吉姆逃跑，再者我也认为吉姆能承担责任很勇敢。当然，我没有意识到这件事对布赖尔利多么重要，他或许想起了自己过去犯下的错误。

第二天审讯结束时，我一边往外走，一边同熟人说话。我注意到我们前面正是吉姆那宽阔的肩膀。我的朋友看见一条黄狗在人们腿之间跑来跑去，于是笑着说：“看那条可怜的狗！”我看见吉姆立即转过身。他向前走了几步，盯着我。我的朋友走到门口出去了，人群也消失了。刚才还有好几百人的地方突然只剩下了吉姆和我。房子里安静得出奇。“你刚才是在对我说话吗？”吉姆用低沉的声音问。他脸色阴沉下来，看起来很凶。“不是，”我看着他说，“你搞错了。”“我不会让任何人在法庭之外辱骂我。”他说。虽然他语气平静，但看得出来他很愤怒。“但我真的不明白你的意思。”我回答，努力去回忆我说了或做了什么。“我很快就会让你知道我不是一条狗！”他大声喊着向我靠近。

这下我终于明白了。“上帝！”我说，“你不会认为我叫你……”“但我确定……我听到有人这样说。”他回答。

我默默地指了指房子的角落，有一条狗正坐在那儿的阴影里。起初他似乎没明白我的意思，转而惊奇，继而羞愧。他被晒黑的皮肤一下子红了，从脖子红到了发根。我为他感到难过。他向我打开了他的心扉，却没有得到任何回应。他转身向外跑去。

我不得不快步跑过去追他，上气不接下气地和他交谈起来。此时他恢复了自制，向我道歉。“你看，”他解释着，“人们在法庭上盯着我，当中有很多人可能在想——我以为你说的那句话。在法庭上我不得不接受，而我也接受了，但在法庭之外是不同的。”

我没假装听懂了他的话，但我想进一步了解他，所以邀请他到我住的马拉巴酒店吃饭。

3 Jim tells his story

Towards the end of dinner, I mentioned the inquiry. 'It must be awfully hard for you,' I said.

I was surprised by what happened next. He put out a hand quickly and held my arm, staring fixedly at me. 'It is—hell,' he cried. People at tables near us turned to look. I stood up, and we went outside, to sit on the veranda with our coffee and cigars. From our chairs we looked out at the sea, where the lights of the ships shone like stars in the thick, warm darkness.

'I couldn't run away,' Jim began. 'The captain did, but that's no good for me. The others have got out of it too, but I couldn't, and I wouldn't. I can never go home now, you know. I'm sure my dear old Dad has seen the story in the newspapers by now. I can never explain all this to the poor old man. He wouldn't understand.'

I looked up. I had the feeling he was extremely fond of his 'old Dad', and I imagined how proud the country vicar had been of his sailor son.

Jim went on, 'Look, you mustn't think I'm like those others—you know, the captain and the engineers. What happened to me was different.' I said nothing to agree or disagree with this, but I didn't know if he really believed what he was saying. 'I don't know what I'll do after the inquiry. Nobody will employ me as an officer again. I haven't any money to go anywhere else. I'll have to get occasional work on a ship, as an ordinary seaman.'

'Do you think you can?' I asked. I wanted to hurt him, to break his self-control.

He jumped up and turned away, then came back and looked miserably down at me. 'Why did you say that? You've been very kind to me. You didn't laugh when I—' here his voice trembled '—made that stupid mistake.' Looking away from me, he stared into the darkness. 'It's a question of being ready. I wasn't, not then.' And then, turning to me, 'Look, I'd like to explain—I'd like somebody to understand—one person at least! You! Why not you? Ah! What a chance I missed! My God! What a chance I missed!'

He was silent for a while, with a quiet, distant look in his eyes, as he thought of that lost opportunity. I watched him moving into his own private world of heroic dreams and adventures. Ah, he was romantic! He was very far away from me, although his chair was only a metre away from mine. Suddenly I saw from his delighted expression that he had reached the heart of his impossible world, and come to the end of his perfect dream. His young face wore a smile that your faces will never wear, my friends, nor mine either.

I brought him roughly back to the present by saying, 'You missed a chance when you left the ship, you mean!'

He turned quickly towards me, his dream broken and his eyes suddenly full of pain. 'You see,' he said after a moment, 'the hole in the side of the ship was so big! A piece of metal as big as my hand fell off while I was looking at it!'

'That made you feel bad,' I said.

'Do you suppose I was thinking of myself? There were eight hundred people on that ship, and only seven boats. I expected to see the hole widen and the water flow over them as they lay sleeping... What could I do?' He passed a hand over his head. 'The captain had sent me to check the damage again. At first I wanted to wake all the passengers up, but my mouth was too dry, and I couldn't speak. I felt completely helpless. When I looked at the unconscious sleepers around me, I saw dead men. Nothing could save them! There was no time! I could not repair the damage, and I could not save eight hundred people in seven boats! I saw, as clearly as I see you now, that there was nothing I could do. It seemed to take all the life out of my body. I just stood there and waited. Do you think I am afraid of death?' He banged his hand angrily on the table, so that the coffee cups danced. 'My God! I tell you I am not!'

He was not afraid of death, perhaps, but, my friends, I'll tell you what he was afraid of—the emergency. He was able to imagine, only too well, all the horrors of the end—water filling the ship, people screaming, boats sinking—all the terrible details of a disaster at sea. I think he was ready to die, but I suspect he wanted to die quietly, peacefully. Not many men are prepared to continue their fight to the end, when they find themselves losing to a much stronger enemy, like the sea.

'The engines had stopped, and it seemed very quiet on the ship,' he went on. 'I ran back up to the bridge, and found the captain and the two engineers trying to lower one of the ship's boats down into the sea. "Quick!" the captain whispered to me. "Help us, man!"

'"Aren't you going to do something?" I asked.

'"Yes! I'm going to get away," he said over his shoulder.

'I didn't understand then what he meant. The three of them were desperately pulling and pushing at the boat, and calling each other names, but something was wrong with the ropes and the boat wouldn't move. I stood away from them, watching the sea, black and calm and deadly. My head was full of ideas, and I was thinking hard, but I couldn't see any chance of survival for us. You think I'm a coward, because I just stood there, but what would you do? You can't tell—nobody can. I needed time...'

He was breathing quickly. He was not speaking to me, but seemed to be on trial in front of an unseen judge, who was responsible for his soul. This was a matter too difficult for the court of inquiry to decide. It was about the true nature of life, about light and darkness, truth and lies, good and evil.

As he spoke, his eyes shone. 'Ever since I was a boy, I've been preparing myself for difficulties and danger. I was ready, I tell you! Ready for anything! But—' and the light went out of his face '—this was so unexpected! Well, I'll tell you the rest. As I was standing there on the bridge, the second engineer ran up and begged me to help them. I pushed him away, in fact I hit him. "Won't you save your own life—you coward?" he cried. Coward! That's what he called me. Ha! ha! ha!'

Jim threw himself back in his chair and laughed loudly. I had never heard anything as bitter as that noise. All around us on the veranda conversation stopped. People stared at him.

After a while he continued with his story. 'I was saying to the Patna, "Sink! Go on, sink!" I wanted it to finish. Then in the sky I saw a big black thunder cloud coming towards us, and I knew the ship couldn't survive a storm. I saw that George, the third engineer, had now joined the other three, who were still trying to get the boat lowered. Suddenly George fell backwards, and lay without moving on the deck. He was dead. Heart trouble, I think. And just then there was a loud crash as the captain and the two others managed to get the boat down into the water. They were in the boat, and I could hear them shouting from below, "Jump, George! Jump!"'

Jim trembled a little, and then sat very still, as he relived the awful moment. 'There were eight hundred living people on that ship, and they were shouting for the one dead man to jump! "Jump, George, we'll catch you!" I felt the ship move—I thought she was going down, under me...' Jim put his hand to his head again, and paused for a moment. 'I had jumped... it seems,' he added. His clear blue eyes looked miserably at me, and I felt like an old man helplessly watching a childish disaster.

'It seems you did,' I agreed.

'When I was in the boat, I wished I could die. But I couldn't go back. I'd jumped into an everlasting deep hole...'

Nothing could be more true. He described to me the full horror of the hours he spent in that small boat with the three men. They called him evil names, angrily accused him of killing George, even talked of throwing him out of the boat. 'I didn't care what happened to me,' Jim went on. 'I wondered if I would go crazy, or kill myself. You see, I had saved my own life, while everything that was important to me had sunk with the ship in the night. We were certain the ship had sunk, you know. As we rowed away, we couldn't hear any cries, or see her lights. The captain said we were lucky to survive. And I decided not to kill myself. The right thing was to go on, wait for another chance, test myself...' After a long silence, he continued, 'Another ship picked us up the next day. The captain and the others pretended we had tried to save the passengers, but the Patna had sunk too fast. The story didn't matter to me. I had jumped, hadn't I? That's what I had to live with. It was like cheating the dead.'

'And there were no dead,' I said.

He turned away from me at that. I knew that a French ship had found the Patna sailing out of control. The captain had put several of his officers on board, and they sailed her to the nearest port, Aden. Although the Patna was badly damaged, it had not sunk, and nobody had died, except George, the third engineer, whose body was found on the bridge. The pilgrims were all put on to other ships to continue their journey to Mecca.

But everybody went on talking about the Patna. And now, when seamen meet in the Eastern ports, they very often discuss the strange story of the pilgrim ship, and the officers who ran away, just as I am telling you about it tonight.

occasional adj. occurring infrequently or irregularly 偶尔的。

romantic adj. sentimental, inclined to dream or imagine an idealized world 浪漫的，爱空想的。

delighted adj. very pleased and happy 高兴的。

childish adj. of, like, or appropriate to a child 幼稚的。

survive v. continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal) 活下来。

3．吉姆讲述自己的故事

酒店的大餐厅坐了一多半的人，在吃饭、喝酒和闲谈，深色皮肤的服务生在餐桌间匆忙地来来去去。吉姆坐在我对面，用他那双孩子气的蓝眼睛直视着我。我喜欢他年轻、诚恳、严肃的脸。他是个真正的水手，是我们的同类。但他说话时怎么会这样平静呢？是因为他在控制自己，还是因为他不在乎？

晚餐快结束时，我提起了审讯。我说：“这肯定难为你了。”

接下来的事让我震惊不已。他迅速伸手抓住我的胳臂，死死地盯着我，大声说：“这简直是——地狱。”邻桌的人都扭头看我们。我起身和他走出去，拿着咖啡和雪茄坐在阳台上。我们坐在椅子上看海，船只的灯光宛如星光，在浓重、闷热的黑夜中闪烁着。“我不能逃，”吉姆开口说道，“船长逃走了，但那样做对我没有好处。其他人也与这件事脱了干系，但我不能，也不愿那样做。你知道，我现在永远回不了家了。我亲爱的老父亲一定已经在报上看到了我的事。我永远无法向这个可怜的老人解释这一切。他不会理解的。”

我抬头看着他，觉得他肯定非常喜欢他的“老父亲”，也想象得出这位乡村牧师如何为他当海员的儿子而自豪。

吉姆继续说：“哎，你千万不要认为我和其他人一样，你知道，我是说船长和轮机员。发生在我身上的事是不一样的。”我既没有表示同意，也没有表示反对，我不知道他是否真的相信他自己的话。“我不知道审讯结束后我该怎么办。没有人会雇我当高级船员了。我也没有钱去别的地方。我只能在船上找点儿零活儿，做个普通水手。”“你觉得你能吗？”我问他。我想刺伤他，让他失去自控。

他跳起来走开，又回来痛苦地低头看着我。“你为什么这样说？你对我一直很好。你没有因为我犯下的愚蠢错误嘲笑我。”他的声音有点儿颤抖。他把目光从我身上移开，凝视着黑夜。“这是有没有做好准备的问题。我没有准备好，当时没有。”然后，他转向我说，“瞧，我想解释——我希望有人会理解——至少有一个人！就是你！为什么不呢？啊，我竟错过了这个机会！上帝啊，我竟错过了这个机会！”

他沉默了一会儿，目光平静而出神，他在想那个失去的机会。我看着他走进自己充满英雄梦想和历险的世界中。啊，他很浪漫！虽然我们的椅子相隔只有一米，他却离我很遥远。突然，从他快乐的表情中，我看出他已经到达了他心中的虚幻世界，到达了他完美梦想的终点。他年轻的脸上带着你们永远不会拥有的笑容，我的朋友们，我也永远不会有那样的笑容。“你是说，弃船而去时，你错过了一个机会！”我无情地把他拉回到现实。

他快速转向我，他的梦破碎了，眼中顿时充满痛苦。“要知道，”他停顿了一会儿说，“船上的洞太大了！我看见的时候，一块和我的手一般大的金属掉了下来。”“这让你感觉很糟糕吧。”我说。“你以为我当时想的是自己吗？船上有八百人，但只有七条救生艇。我以为缺口会变大，让他们在睡梦中被海水淹没……我能做什么呢？”他伸手抚额，“船长让我再去检查一下破损的地方。起先我想叫醒所有的乘客，但我的嘴干得说不出话来。我感到无助。我看着身边毫不知情的梦中人，仿佛看到的都是死人。他们没救了！没有时间了！我无法把缺口修好，也无法用七艘救生艇救活八百人！我很清楚自己无能为力了，就像现在看见你这么清楚。这让我完全没了力气。我站在那儿一动不动地等着。你认为我怕死吗？”他愤怒地用手捶了一下桌面，震得咖啡杯跳了起来，“上帝！我告诉你我不怕！”

他或许不怕死，但是，朋友们，让我告诉你们他怕什么——他害怕紧急情况。他能想象出所有可怕的结局——水灌满船舱，人们惊恐尖叫，船慢慢下沉——海难中所有可怕的细节他都想到了。我想他对死亡已有准备，但他希望平静安宁地死去。当人们发现自己正被大海这样比自身强大许多的对手打败时，没有多少人能将战斗进行到底。“发动机停了，船上很安静，”他接着说，“我跑回舰桥，看到船长和两个轮机员正在放一艘救生艇。‘快！’船长低声对我说，‘帮个忙，老兄！’“‘你没打算采取什么措施吗？’我问。“‘对！我打算马上离开这里。’他回头说。“我当时没明白他的意思。他们三个拼命地把救生艇拖过来、推过去，互相对骂着，但绳子出了问题，救生艇一动未动。我站在一旁看着平静、黑暗而致命的大海，脑子里涌出各种各样的想法，我绞尽脑汁，但看不到任何生还的希望。你认为我是一个懦夫，因为我只是站在那儿，但如果换成你，你会怎样呢？你回答不上来吧——没有人能答上来。我需要时间……”

他说得上气不接下气。他不是在对我说话，倒像是在面对一个看不见的法官接受灵魂的审判。这个问题让审判庭去判定太难了。这关系到生命的真正本质，关系到光明与黑暗，真实与谎言，善与恶。

他说话的时候，眼睛闪闪发亮。“我从小就一直想着要准备应对各种困难和危险，我做好了准备，我告诉你！我准备好应对任何情况！但——”他的神色暗淡下来，“——事情发生得太出人意料了！好，我告诉你接下来发生了什么。我站在舰桥上，这时大管轮跑过来，央求我帮他们一把。我把他推开，实际上我打了他。‘你难道连自己的命都不救吗？你这个懦夫！’他嚷道。懦夫！他就是这样叫我的。哈！哈！哈！”

吉姆往后一倒，靠在椅子上，大声笑着。我从未听过如此苦涩的笑声。阳台上，我们身边的人都停止讲话，瞪大眼睛看着他。

过了一会儿，他接着讲述他的故事。“我对着帕特纳号说：‘沉没吧！沉下去，沉没吧！’我希望这一切结束。天空中有一大片黑色的雷雨云朝我们飘过来，我知道暴风雨就要来临，这艘船在劫难逃了。我看见二管轮乔治此时也加入进去，他们还在努力把救生艇放下来。突然，乔治仰面倒在甲板上不动了。他死了。我想是因为心脏病。就在那时，船长和另外两个人终于把救生艇放到水中，我听见一声巨响。他们上了救生艇，我能听到他们在下面喊：‘跳下来，乔治！跳下来！’”

吉姆回想着那个可怕的时刻，微微颤抖了一下，然后一动不动地坐着。“船上有八百个活生生的人，而他们却在喊着让一个死人跳下去！‘跳下来，乔治，我们会接住你的！’我感到船在移动——我想它在下沉，在我的脚下……”吉姆又伸手抱住了头，停了一会儿，“我跳下去了……似乎是。”他补充道。他用清澈的蓝眼睛痛苦地看着我，我感觉自己像一位老人无助地看着一场幼稚的灾难。“你似乎是跳下去了。”我表示赞同。“在救生艇上，我真希望死掉。但我回不去了。我跳进了一个无底深渊……”

他说的太对了。他向我描述了他和那三人在救生艇上经历的可怕的几个小时。他们用脏话骂他，愤怒地指责他杀了乔治，甚至说要把他扔出去。“我不在乎我会出什么事，”吉姆接着说，“我不知道我会不会发疯，或是自杀。你明白，我救了自己的命，而我看重的一切都在那个夜晚和船一起沉没了。我们确信船沉了，你知道。我们把小艇划走的时候，没有听见喊叫声，也看不到船上有光亮。船长说我们能活下来真是幸运。我决定不自杀了。正确的路是活下去，寻找下一次机会，检验自己……”他沉默良久，然后接着说，“第二天，另一艘船救了我们。船长和另两个人佯装我们曾试图救乘客，但帕特纳号沉得太快了。这套说辞对我不重要。我确实跳下去了，不是吗？我必须承认。这就像欺骗了死人。”“但没有人死。”我说。

听我这么说，他转过身去。我知道一艘法国船发现帕特纳号在航行中失去控制。船长派几个船员把船带到了最近的港口亚丁港。尽管帕特纳号破损严重，但并没有沉，也没有人溺亡，只有二管轮乔治死了，人们在舰桥上发现了他的尸体。所有的朝圣者都被安顿到别的船只上，继续他们的麦加之旅。

但每个人都继续谈论着帕特纳号。现在，当水手们在东方的港口相遇时，还经常谈起这艘载着朝圣者的船只的离奇故事和逃走的几位船员，正如我今晚跟你们讲述的这样。

4 Marlow offers to help

So I suggested Brierly's plan of escape to Jim. I would lend him some money—he could pay it back when he liked—and I would also write a letter to a friend of mine in Rangoon, who would give him a job. Jim could leave that same day, and save himself the shame of the final day in the crowded courthouse. I was impatient to begin writing the letter immediately. But Jim refused.

'Run away? No, I couldn't think of it,' he said, shaking his head. 'It's awfully good of you, but no.'

I am sure that things looked terribly uncertain to him at that moment, but he did not hesitate. He was young and strong, and there was something fine in his wild hope that he would survive.

I felt angry, however. 'The whole miserable business is bitter enough for a man like you...' I started saying.

'Yes, it is, it is,' he whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor. The way

试读结束[说明：试读内容隐藏了图片]

下载完整电子书