作者：[英] 杰罗姆·K. 杰罗姆（Jerome K. Jerome）
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三人同舟(外研社双语读库)试读：
CHAPTER I.第一章THREE INVALIDS.—SUFFERINGS OF GEORGE AND HARRIS.—A VICTIM TO ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN FATAL MALADIES.—USEFUL PRESCRIPTIONS.—CURE FOR LIVER COMPLAINT IN CHILDREN.—WE AGREE THAT WE ARE OVERWORKED, AND NEED REST.—A WEEK ON THE ROLLING DEEP?—GEORGE SUGGESTS THE RIVER.—MONTMORENCY LODGES AN OBJECTION.—ORIGINAL MOTION CARRIED BY MAJORITY OF THREE TO ONE.
三个病号——乔治与哈里斯的病痛——107种病症折磨的对象——有效的处方单——如何治疗儿童肝病——我们都过度劳累，需要休息——在海上颠簸一周？——乔治建议乘舟游河——蒙特莫伦西提出反对——三比一通过原提案
There were four of us—George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room, smoking, and talking about how bad we were—bad from a medical point of view I mean, of course.
我们有四个人：乔治、威廉.塞缪尔.哈里斯、我，再加上蒙特莫伦西。当时大家正在我房间里坐着抽烟谈天，聊我们有多糟糕，当然，我指的是从医学角度来说的糟糕。
We were all feeling seedy, and we were getting quite nervous about it. Harris said he felt such extraordinary fits of giddiness come over him at times, that he hardly knew what he was doing; and then George said that he had fits of giddiness too, and hardly knew what he was doing. With me, it was my liver that was out of order. I knew it was my liver that was out of order, because I had just been reading a patent liver-pill circular, in which were detailed the various symptoms by which a man could tell when his liver was out of order. I had them all.
我们几个都感到身上不舒服，并为此而神经紧张。哈里斯说他有时候感到一阵阵异乎寻常的眩晕，晕得都不知道自己正在干什么；而乔治说他也有时候阵阵发晕，也晕得几乎不知道自己正在做什么。而我，则是肝出了毛病。我之所以知道我是肝出了毛病，是因为我刚读了一份肝病专利药的宣传单，上面写有肝病的各种详细症状以供自测。我可是全部符合，一条不落。
It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease there in dealt with in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I have ever felt.
这事很不寻常，没有哪次读过专利药广告后，我能不被迫得出结论，认为自己患有该药意欲攻克的疾病，而且还是最恶性的。每次的自测症状似乎都和我的所有感觉完全吻合。
I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch—hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into—some fearful, devastating scourge, I know—and, before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms", it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.
记得有次我去大英博物馆，想查一下我稍有所染的小恙（据我猜测是花粉热）怎么治疗。我找到相关的书，把应该读的部分读完了，接着不知不觉中,又漫不经心地翻过几页，不紧不慢地想看看还有些别的什么病。现在已记不得当时撞上的是种什么失调症（但我知道一定是种可怕的、毁灭性的疫病）,“先兆性症状”还没读到一半，我就确信自己是中招了。
I sat for a while, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever—read the symptoms—discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it—wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus's Dance—found, as I expected, that I had that too,—began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically—read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee. I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn't I got housemaid's knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid's knee.
我呆坐了一会儿，满心恐惧，接着在绝望的无精打采中，我又翻了几页书。下面介绍的是伤寒症，看了症状，我发现自己患上这病都好几个月了还一直蒙在鼓里。因为很想知道我究竟还得了些别的什么病，就翻到圣维斯特舞蹈病一看，果然这个病我也有。这下我来了兴致，决心把属于自己的病全都找出来，于是翻到第一页，按字母顺序从ague（疟疾）开始筛——疟疾（我正受着它的煎熬，大概再过两个星期就要进入急性期）、肾小球肾炎（很高兴我得的是慢性的，也就是说只考虑这一种病的话，我还可以活很多年）、霍乱（这我也有，而且并发症相当严重）、白喉（我可能生下来就有白喉）。我卖力地仔细读完整本书中的所有病，发现唯一可以认定自己没有得的病是通常女佣才会得的膝盖囊肿。最初我感到很受伤害，似乎遭了蔑视一般：为何我没有膝盖囊肿？为何这般小气不让我得？
Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.
然而过了一阵后，更为淡泊的心绪占了上风。 我想既然除此以外药理学上的所有病我都已收入囊中，也不应该那么自私，没有膝盖囊肿我也就忍了。痛风，以其最恶性的形态，不知不觉中已经攫住了我；发酵病，很明显，从儿童时期起就伴我左右。发酵病是病理学书上列举的最后一种病，所以这时我可以下结论：我再没有其他病了。
I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to "walk the hospitals", if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma.
我坐在那冥思。我想，从医学角度看，我是多么有趣的病例啊，医学课上有了我简直就是如获至宝！有了我，学生们再不用“跑医院”当实习医生，因为我本人就是一座医院。他们只需要绕着我转，然后就拿文凭好了。
Then I wondered how long I had to live. I tried to examine myself. I felt my pulse I could not at fist feel any pulse at all. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed to start off. I pulled out my watch and timed it. I made it a hundred and forty-seven to the minute. I tried to feel my heart. I could not feel my heart. It had stopped beating. I have since been induced to come to the opinion that it must have been there all the time, and must have been beating, but I can not account for it. I patted myself allover my front, from what I call my waist up to my head, and I went a bit round each side, and a little way up the back. But I could not feel or hear anything. I tried to look at my tongue. I stuck it out as far as ever it would go, and I shut one eye, and tried to examine it with the other. I could only see the tip, and the only thing that I could gain from that was to feel more certain than before that I had scarlet fever.
接着我想知道自己还能活多久。我试图给自己一个诊断。我摸摸自己的脉搏，开始居然完全摸不到脉。接着，突然就开始跳了。我掏出手表来读数：1分钟147下。我试图摸摸自己的心跳不跳，却根本就摸不着——我的心脏已经停止了跳动。经过百般劝说后，我只得相信它一定还呆在它该在的地方，也一定在跳动着，但我无从证实这一点。我轻轻拍打身体的正面，从我称之为腰的部位开始，一路往上拍打到头部。接着拍拍身体两侧，再从腰的后部往上拍打了一小段背部。但我并没有感觉到或听到任何异样。我试图看看自己的舌头，于是将舌头伸至极限，然后闭上一只眼睛，努力用另一只眼睛观察舌头有没有问题。我只能看到舌尖，但这番折腾的唯一结果是，我比以前更确信自己患有猩红热。
I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.
走进阅览室的时候我是一个快乐健康的人，爬出来的 时候我已是衰弱垂死了。
I went to my medical man. He is an old chum of mine, and feels my pulse, and looks at my tongue, and talks about the weather, all for nothing, when I fancy I'm ill; so I thought I would do him a good turn by going to him now. "What a doctor wants," I said, "is practice. He shall have me. He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred of your ordinary, common place patients, with only one or two diseases each." So I went straight up and saw him, and he said: "Well, what's the matter with you?"
我去找我的医生。他是我的老友，每当我臆想自己有病的时候，他会为我摸摸脉，看看舌苔，陪我聊聊天气，并且分文不收。所以我想我应该回送他个人情，现在就把自己送上门去。我心想：“医生想要的，无非就是练手。我就归他啦。他从我身上得到的锻炼，比从1,700个普通平庸的病人身上得到的总和还多，因为那些人每人也就得一两种病。”于是我直接跑去见他，他说：“怎么，你哪里不对劲吗？”
I said: "I will not take up your time, dear boy, with telling you what is the matter with me. Life is brief, and you might pass away before I had finished. But I will tell you what is NOT the matter with me. I have not got housemaid's knee. Why I have not got housemaid's knee, I can not tell you; but the fact remains that I have not got it. Everything else, however, I HAVE got."
我说：“老伙计，实在是不舍得占用你太多时间来听我 描述我得了什么病。人生苦短，可能到你去世我还说不完 呢。不过我可以告诉你我唯一没得什么病，那就是膝盖囊 肿。为什么没有得，我也不知道，但事实就是我没得。而 其他所有病，我通通都有。”
And I told him how I came to discover it all.
接着我告诉他自己是如何发现这一真相的。
Then he opened me and looked down me, and clutched hold of my wrist, and then he hit me over the chest when I wasn't expecting it—a cowardly thing to do, I call it—and immediately after wards butted me with the side of his head. After that, he sat down and wrote out a prescription, and folded it up and gave it me, and I put it in my pocket and went out.
然后他把我的衣服解开看着，抓住我的手腕，再趁我不注意突然一拳打在我胸口（要我说，这可真是懦夫的行为），接着又歪着头猛地撞我一下。这之后，他坐下来写了张处方单，折好了递给我。我把它放进口袋就离开了。
I did not open it. I took it to the nearest chemist's, and handed it in. The man read it, and then handed it back.
我没有展开处方，而是直接拿到最近的药店递了上去。 那人看了看，又还给了我。
He said he didn't keep it.
他说他没有处方上的药。
I said: "You are a chemist?"
我问：“你是个药剂师没错吧？”
He said: "I am a chemist. If I was a cooperative stores and family hotel combined, I might be able to oblige you. Being only a chemist hampers me."
他说：“我是啊。如果我这里是百货商店和家庭旅馆二合一，也许可以帮你。但我只是一个药剂师，所以爱莫能助了。”
I read the prescription. It ran: “1 lb. beefsteak, with 1 pt. bitter beer every 6 hours. 1 ten-mile walk every morning. 1 bed at 11 sharp every night. And don't stuff up your head with things you don't understand."
我摊开处方单，上面这样写道：“每6个小时1磅牛排和1品脱苦味啤酒；每天早上步行10英里；每晚11点整上床睡觉。另外，不要将你所不了解的东西往脑子里塞。”
I followed the directions, with the happy result—speaking for myself—that my life was preserved, and is still going on.
我谨遵上述指示，（至少在我看来）收效显著——不仅保住了性命，而且我还将继续活下去。
In the present instance, going back to the liver-pill circular, I had the symptoms, beyond all mistake, the chief among them being "a general disinclination to work of any kind."
转头说说前文提到的肝药宣传单，毋庸置疑那上面的全部症状我都有，而首要的一条症状是“普遍厌烦所有工作”。
What I suffer in that way no tongue can tell. From my earliest infancy I have been a martyr to it. As a boy, the disease hardly ever left me for a day. They did not know, then, that it was my liver. Medical science was in a far less advanced state than now, and they used to put it down to laziness.
我受到这一症状的严重困扰，实在是一言难尽。从婴儿时期起我就是它的受害者。在儿童时期，这病几乎没有一天远离过我。那时候没人知道我不爱动弹是因为肝病。当时医学远没有现在发达，人们习惯把它归结为懒惰使然。
"Why, you skulking little devil, you," they would say, "get up and do something for your living, can't you?"—not knowing, of course, that I was ill.
他们总说：“快，你这个溜墙角的小懒鬼！赶快起来，活着就得做事啊！听到了没？”当然，他们不知道我是病了。
And they didn't give me pills; they gave me clumps on the side of the head. And, strange as it may appear, those clumps on the head often cured me—for the time being. I have known one clump on the head have more effect upon my liver, and make me feel more anxious to go straight away then and there, and do what was wanted to be done, without further loss of time, than a whole box of pills does now.
他们不给我吃药，而是给我吃响栗子。更奇怪的是，这些敲在头上的响栗子常常能治好我，虽然只是暂时性的。我现在吃整盒的药，也没有当初吃一个响栗子的作用明显，后者能让我心急如焚，当时就动身，立刻去做需要做的事情，一分钟也不浪费。
You know, it often is so—those simple, old-fashioned remedies are sometimes more efficacious than all the dispensary stuff.
哎，事实往往如此，响栗子这种简单原始的民间治疗法比什么药都来得有效。
We sat there for half-an-hour, describing to each other our maladies. I explained to George and William Harris how I felt when I got up in the morning, and William Harris told us how he felt when he went to bed; and George stood on the hearth-rug, and gave us a clever and powerful piece of acting, illustrative of how he felt in the night.
我们在那里坐了半个小时，轮流介绍自己的病症。我说早上起床时特不舒服，威廉说他躺下睡觉那阵感到快死了，乔治则坐在壁炉旁的地毯上，惟妙惟肖地演示自己夜间的感受。
George FANCIES he is ill; but there's never anything really the matter with him, you know.
乔治猜测自己有病，其实最多就是患个疑心病。
At this point, Mrs. Poppets knocked at the door to know if we were ready for supper. We smiled sadly at one another, and said we supposed we had better try to swallow a bit. Harris said a little something in one's stomach often kept the disease in check; and Mrs. Poppets brought the tray in, and we drew up to the table, and toyed with a little steak and onions, and some rhubarb tart.
这时，波贝太太来敲门，问我们是否愿意吃晚饭了。我们苦笑着互相望望，最后回答说也许应该勉强吃点才好。哈里斯说胃里装点食物通常可以防止疾病发作。波贝夫人端进餐盘，我们围坐到餐桌旁，拨弄着小块的洋葱牛排和一些大黄小馅饼。
I must have been very weak at the time; because I know, after the first half-hour or so, I seemed to take no interest whatever in my food—an unusual thing for me—and I didn't want any cheese.
我当时一定特别虚弱，因为大概才过半个小时，我就似乎对食物失去了所有兴致（这对我来说是很少见的），甚至连奶酪也不想吃。
This duty done, we refilled our glasses, lit our pipes, and resumed the discussion upon our state of health. What it was that was actually the matter with us, we none of us could be sure of; but the unanimous opinion was that it—whatever it was—had been brought on by overwork.
勉强吃了些饭，我们再次斟满酒杯，并点燃烟斗，继续刚才关于健康状况的讨论。我们谁也说不出我们是什么毛病，但大家一致认定我们的毛病（管它是什么）是因工作过度造成的。
"What we want is rest," said Harris.
哈里斯说：“我们需要的是休息。”
"Rest and a complete change," said George. "The overstrain upon our brains has produced a general depression through out the system. Change of scene, and absence of the necessity for thought, will restore the mental equilibrium."
乔治说：“休息并彻底换个环境。过度劳累作用于大脑， 会产生全身性抑郁。看些不同的风光，远离烦心事，可以 恢复心理平衡。”
George has a cousin, who is usually described in the charge-sheet as a medical student, so that he naturally has a some what family-physicianary way of putting things.
乔治有个侄子正在学医，至少他的交通违章罚单上是如此描述的。所以乔治在表达看法时自然有一种家庭医生的口吻。
I agreed with George, and suggested that we should seek out some retired and old-world spot, far from the madding crowd, and dream away a sunny week among its drowsy lanes—some half-forgotten nook, hidden away by the fairies, out of reach of the noisy world—some quaint-perched eyrie on the cliffs of Time, from whence the surging waves of the nineteenth century would sound far-off and faint.
我赞同乔治的观点，建议我们去一个偏僻古老的地方，远离喧闹的人群，在让人昏昏欲睡的街道上懒洋洋地晒一个星期太阳；或者去一个几近被遗忘的僻静处，享受世外桃源般的安宁，不为吵闹的世界所烦扰；或者去坐落于时间悬崖上的某个古雅的房舍，在那里19世纪的滚滚波涛听起来一定遥远而微弱。
Harris said he thought it would be humpy. He said he knew the sort of place I meant; where everybody went to bed at eight o'clock, and you couldn't get a REFEREE for love or money, and had to walk ten miles to get your baccy.
哈里斯说他觉得这主意不怎么样。他明白我指的是什么地方，在那种地方，人人晚上8点就上床睡觉，你在那儿找不到爱和钱的中介人，买烟草都得走上10英里。
"No," said Harris, "if you want rest and change, you can't beat a sea trip."
所以他说：“不，如果你想休息、想换环境，航海是上上之选。”
I objected to the sea trip strongly. A sea trip does you good when you are going to have a couple of months of it, but, for a week, it is wicked.
我坚决反对去航海。如果有几个月可以消磨的话，兴许它是个好提议，但若换成一个星期的话，就太糟糕了。
You start on Monday with the idea implanted in your bosom that you are going to enjoy yourself. You wave an airy adieu to the boys on shore, light your biggest pipe, and swagger about the deck as if you were Captain Cook, Sir Francis Drake, and Christopher Columbus all rolled into one. On Tuesday, you wish you hadn't come. On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, you wish you were dead. On Saturday, you are able to swallow a little beef tea, and to sit up on deck, and answer with a wan, sweet smile when kind-hearted people ask you how you feel now. On Sunday, you begin to walk about again, and take solid food. And on Monday morning, as, with your bag and umbrella in your hand, you standby the gunwale, waiting to step ashore, you begin to thoroughly like it.
星期一，你胸中澎湃着好好玩一次的激情，挥手作别岸上的兄弟们，点上你最大号的烟斗，在甲板上大摇大摆地巡视，自以为是库克船长、弗朗西斯.德雷克和哥伦布三位合而为一。星期二，你开始后悔。星期三、四、五，你痛不欲生。星期六，你开始能够吞下点清炖牛肉汤，去甲板上坐坐，当好心人问你感觉如何时，你会答以一个苍白而甜蜜的微笑。星期天，你开始四处走动，能够进食固体食物。星期一早上，你拿着行李和雨伞立在船舷边，等待登岸，这时你才刚开始彻底喜欢上航海的滋味。
I remember my brother-in-law going for a short sea trip once, for the benefit of his health. He took a return berth from London to Liverpool; and when he got to Liverpool, the only thing he was anxious about was to sell that return ticket.
记得我舅子曾经体验过短期航海，目的是疗养身体。他买了伦敦和利物浦之间的往返船票，但到达利物浦后，他唯一着急要做的事就是把那张返程票给卖掉。
It was offered round the town at a tremendous reduction, so I am told; and was eventually sold for eighteenpence to a bilious-looking youth who had just been advised by his medical men to go to the sea-side, and take exercise.
据说船票以跳楼价四处兜售，最后以18便士卖给了一位疑似患肝病的青年。他的医生刚建议他去海边散散心并多多运动。
"Sea-side!" said my brother-in-law, pressing the ticket affectionately into his hand; "why, you'll have enough to last you a lifetime; and as for exercise! why, you'll get more exercise, sitting down on that ship, than you would turning somersaults on dry land."“海边！”我的舅子热切地将票塞进青年手中，“嗬，此行必令你终生难忘！而说到运动！那更好了，在那船上就是坐着，运动量也大过在岸上翻筋斗！”
He himself—my brother-in-law—came back by train. He said the North-Western Railway was healthy enough for him.
他自己（我说我舅子）是坐火车回来的。他认为西北铁路对他来说已经足够养生了。
Another fellow I knew went for a week's voyage round the coast, and, before they started, the steward came to him to ask whether he would pay for each meal as he had it, or arrange beforehand for the whole series.
我还知道另外一个伙计坐船绕海岸航行一个星期的故事。开船前，乘务员问他愿意每餐用餐结束后单独付款呢，还是愿意预定整个旅途的系列套餐。
The steward recommended the latter course, as it would come so much cheaper. He said they would do him for the whole week at two pounds five. He said for breakfast there would be fish, followed by a grill. Lunch was at one, and consisted of four courses. Dinner at six—soup, fish, entree, joint, poultry, salad, sweets, cheese, and dessert. And alight meat supper at ten.
乘务员推荐后一种方案，因为要便宜很多，整个星期只需花上两个半英镑。早饭有鱼,随后是烤肉，1点钟的午饭有4道菜，6点钟的正餐包括开胃汤、鱼、小菜、带骨大块肉、鸡肉、沙拉、糖果、奶酪和甜点。10点钟的宵夜还提供低脂肉类。
My friend thought he would close on the two-pound-five job (he is a hearty eater), and did so.
我的朋友（一个美食主义者）想了想，决定接受两个半英镑的选项。
Lunch came just as they were off Sheerness. He didn't feel so hungry as he thought he should, and so contented himself with a bit of boiled beef, and some strawberries and cream. He pondered a good deal during the afternoon, and at one time it seemed to him that he had been eating nothing but boiled beef for weeks, and at other times it seemed that he must have been living on strawberries and cream for years.
他们刚离开希尔内思港，午餐就登场了。这位朋友没有如自己预想的那么饿，所以只吃了一点煮牛肉和一些鲜奶油草莓。他下午沉思了好一阵子，时而感到已经连续吃了好几个星期的煮牛肉，时而感到已经连续吃了好几年的鲜奶油草莓。
Neither the beef nor the strawberries and cream seemed happy, either—seemed discontented like.
脑海中，牛肉和鲜奶油草莓看上去也都不高兴，两者都露出闷闷不乐的苦脸。
At six, they came and told him dinner was ready. The announcement aroused no enthusiasm within him, but he felt that there was some of that two-pound-five to be worked off, and he held on to ropes and things and went down. A pleasant odour of onions and hot ham, mingled with fried fish and greens, greeted him at the bottom of the ladder; and then the steward came up with an oily smile, and said: "What can I get you, sir?"
6点的时候，他们通知他正餐已经备好。他觉得兴味索然，但想到得消化掉这两个半英镑中的一部分，还是抓着绳索东倒西歪地下楼去了餐厅。在楼梯最下面几级迎接他的，是一阵洋葱和热火腿的香风，还夹杂着炸鱼和蔬菜的味道。这时乘务员堆着油腻的微笑走来问道：“先生，请问您想要什么？”
"Get me out of this," was the feeble reply.“我想要离开这里。”一个微弱的声音回答道。
And they ran him up quick, and propped him up, over to leeward, and left him.
他们迅速地冲过来把他架走，扔到背风面，留他一人，再不理睬。
For the next four days he lived a simple and blameless life on thin captain's biscuits (I mean that the biscuits were thin, not the captain) and soda-water; but, towards Saturday, he got uppish, and went in for weak tea and dry toast, and on Monday he was gorging himself on chicken broth. He left the ship on Tuesday, and as it steamed away from the landing-stage he gazed after it regretfully.
此后4天，他的生活简朴得无可指摘，靠薄船长饼干（“薄”修饰饼干而非船长）和苏打水生存。但是到了星期六，他情况好转，去餐厅享用了淡茶和干吐司。星期一他已经在豪饮鸡汤了。星期二是他离船上岸的日子，当船喷着白烟驶离码头，他充满遗憾地目送它远去。
"There she goes," he said, "there she goes, with two pounds' worth of food on board that belongs to me, and that I haven't had."
他喃喃地说：“她走了，她走了，带走了属于我的两英镑的食物，我还没有来得及吃呢。
He said that if they had given him another day he thought he could have put it straight.
他说如果能在船上哪怕再多待一天，他就有信心吃回老本。
So I set my face against the sea trip. Not, as I explained, upon my own account. I was never queer. But I was afraid for George. George said he should be all right, and would rather like it, but he would advise Harris and me not to think of it, as he felt sure we should both be ill. Harris said that, to himself, it was always a mystery how people managed to get sick at sea—said he thought people must do it on purpose, from affectation—said he had often wished to be, but had never been able.
所以我坚决反对航海的提议。我解释说，这不是为我自己，我可从不晕船，这是为了乔治着想。乔治说他没有问题，他很赞成这个主意，但建议我和哈里斯千万别动这个念头，因为他很肯定我们两个都会晕船。哈里斯说，对他来说，人们在海上是如何成功晕船的永远是个谜——他觉得人们晕船另有目的，是在装模作样——他常常希望能跻身晕船一族，无奈尚未成功。
Then he told us anecdotes of how he had gone across the Channel when it was so rough that the passengers had to be tied into their berths, and he and the captain were the only two living souls on board who were not ill. Sometimes it was he and the second mate who were not ill; but it was generally he and one other man. If not he and another man, then it was he by himself.
接着他开始讲述自己在滔天波浪中横渡英吉利海峡的故事：风浪很大，乘客们必须被绑在铺位上，船上不晕船的人只有两个，有时是他和船长，有时是他和二副，总之是他加上另一人的组合。如果只有一个人不晕船，那便是他自己了。
It is a curious fact, but nobody ever is sea-sick—on land. At sea, you come across plenty of people very bad indeed, whole boat-loads of them; but I never met a man yet, on land, who had ever known at all what it was to be sea-sick. Where the thousands upon thousands of bad sailors that swarm in every ship hide themselves when they are on land is a mystery.
有这么一个奇怪的现象：在陆地上，所有人都从不晕船。在海上你能够遇到很多晕船的人，一整船一整船的数也数不清。但是在陆地上，我从来没有遇到过哪怕一个尝过晕船滋味的人。成千上万的晕船者们上岸后都藏到什么地方去了，实在是个谜。
If most men were like a fellow I saw on the Yarmouth boat one day, I could account for the seeming enigma easily enough. It was just off South end Pier, I recollect, and he was leaning out through one of the port-holes in a very dangerous position. I went up to him to try and save him.
不过，如果大多数人都和那天我在去雅茅斯的船上遇到的那个伙计一样，我就能轻易地解开这个看似费解的谜。记得那是刚离开绍森德码头的当儿，这伙计用一种相当危险的姿势靠在舷窗上，半个身子已经探了出去。我走上前去试图救他。
"Hi! come further in," I said, shaking him by the shoulder. "You'll be overboard."“嘿，进来点，”我摇着他的肩膀说，“你这样会翻下船的。”
"Oh my! I wish I was," was the only answer I could get; and there I had to leave him.“天知道我多么想下去。”这是我得到的唯一一句答复。 无可奈何中我只得走开了。
Three weeks afterwards, I met him in the coffee-room of a Bath hotel, talking about his voyages, and explaining, with enthusiasm, how he loved the sea.
3个星期后，我在一家温泉旅社的咖啡室和他重逢时，他正吹嘘着自己的旅行经历，并且热烈地抒发他对航海的热爱。
"Good sailor!" he replied in answer to a mild young man's envious query; "well, I did feel a little queer ONCE, I confess. It was off Cape Horn. The vessel was wrecked the next morning."“我是不晕船的！”他如此回答一位温和的年轻人带着忌妒的提问，“当然，我承认有那么一次感到有点不舒服。那是离开好望角的时候，第二天早上船就出事了。”
I said: "Weren't you a little shaky by Southend Pier one day, and wanted to be thrown overboard?"
我说：“那天离开绍森德码头时你不是稳不住了想要跳船么？”
"Southend Pier!" he replied, with a puzzled expression.“绍森德码头？”他一脸困惑。
"Yes; going down to Yarmouth, last Friday three weeks."“是的，3个星期前的星期五，去雅茅斯的船上。”
"Oh, ah—yes," he answered, brightening up; "I remember now. I did have a headache that afternoon. It was the pickles, you know. They were the most disgraceful pickles I ever tasted in a respectable boat. Did YOU have any?"“噢，嗯——是啊，”他茅塞顿开，“我记起来了。那天下午我确实挺难受的。要知道都怪泡菜，那真是我在一艘体面轮船上吃过的最不堪的泡菜。你一点都没吃么？”
For myself, I have discovered an excellent preventive against seasickness, in balancing myself. You stand in the centre of the deck, and, as the ship heaves and pitches, you move your body about, so as to keep it always straight. When the front of the ship rises, you lean forward, till the deck almost touches your nose; and when its back end gets up, you lean backwards. This is all very well for an hour or two; but you can't balance yourself for a week.
就我个人来说，我发现保持平衡是一个很好的预防晕船的办法。站在甲板正中，当船升起又落下时，你转动身体，以保证身体是直的。当船头升起时，往前倾，直到甲板几乎撞到你的鼻子；当船尾升起时，往后倾。但这样坚持一两个小时还行，一个星期是不可能的。
George said: "Let's go up the river."
乔治说：“让我们去河上泛舟吧。”
He said we should have fresh air, exercise and quiet; the constant change of scene would occupy our minds (including what there was of Harris's); and the hard work would give us a good appetite, and make us sleep well.
他说，我们可以享受到新鲜空气、运动和安静；不断变换的景色可以填满我们的大脑（如果说哈里斯的那点也能称作脑子的话）；辛苦的体力劳动可以给我们好胃口和好睡眠。
Harris said he didn't think George ought to do anything that would have a tendency to make him sleepier than he always was, as it might be dangerous.
哈里斯说他认为乔治不应该做任何有可能改善睡眠的事情，因为那将是危险的，他一直都太能睡了。
He said he didn't very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty-four hours in each day, summer and winter alike; but thought that if he DID sleep any more, he might just as well be dead, and so save his board and lodging.
他说无法理解乔治如何将比现在睡得更多，要知道无论春夏秋冬，一天总也超不出24小时。但他也设想了万一乔治真能睡得更久，那样还不如死了省出房钱和饭费。
Harris said, however, that the river would suit him to a "T." I don't know what a "T" is (except a sixpenny one, which includes bread-and butter and cake ADLIB., and is cheap at the price, if you haven't had any dinner). It seems to suit everybody, however, which is greatly to its credit.
然而哈里斯说，他中意乘舟游河的主意，犹如中意T一样。我不知道T是什么东西（除了一种6便士的T，也就是茶，喝这种茶附送无限量自取的黄油面包和蛋糕，对没吃饭的人来说，这个价钱相当公道）。这东西好像每个人都中意，盛名远扬。
It suited me to a "T" too, and Harris and I both said it was a good idea of George's; and we said it in a tone that seemed to somehow imply that we were surprised that George should have come out so sensible.
它也让我中意得犹如T一样。哈里斯和我都说乔治提的是个好主意，我们的语气似乎在暗示我们很惊讶乔治也能有这样的才智。
The only one who was not struck with the suggestion was Montmorency. He never did care for the river, did Montmorency.
这个建议唯一没法打动的是蒙特莫伦西，它从不喜欢河流，不像与它同名的那位著名将军。
"It's all very well for you fellows," he says; "you like it, but I don't. There's nothing for me to do. Scenery is not in my line, and I don't smoke. If I see a rat, you won't stop; and if I go to sleep, you get fooling about with the boat, and slop me overboard. If you ask me, I call the whole thing bally foolishness."“对你们倒是好得很，”它说，“你们喜欢这主意，可我不喜欢。我没有什么可做的。我既不爱看风景，也不爱抽烟。我看见一只老鼠，你们不停下；如果我想睡觉，你们又在船上闹腾，把我晃下船去。要问我的看法，我得说这是一个彻头彻尾的蠢主意。”
We were three to one, however, and the motion was carried.
可是我们是3比1，于是这提议顺利地通过了表决。CHAPTER II. 第二章
PLANS DISCUSSED.—PLEASURES OF "CAMPING-OUT," ONFINE NIGHTS.—DITTO, WET NIGHTS.—COMPROMISEDECIDED ON.—MONTMORENCY, FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF.—FEARS LEST HE IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, FEARSSUBSEQUENTLY DISMISSED AS GROUNDLESS.—MEETINGADJOURNS.
计划行程——星光下露营的幸福——雨天露营的“幸福”——决定采取折衷的办法——蒙特莫伦西给人的第一印象——担心他对人间来说太过美好，其实是不必要的担心——暂时休会
WE pulled out the maps, and discussed plans.
我们掏出地图开始计划行程。
We arranged to start on the following Saturday from Kingston. Harris and I would go down in the morning, and take the boat up to Chertsey, and George, who would not be able to get away from the City till the afternoon (George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two), would meet us there.
下一个星期六从金斯顿出发。早上我和哈里斯先坐船去彻特西，乔治下午才能动身（他每天上午10点到下午4点会固定在一家银行睡觉，但每星期六下午两点会被叫醒并被扔出门外），直接到那里和我们会合。
Should we "camp out" or sleep at inns?
晚上我们应该睡帐篷还是住旅店呢？
George and I were for camping out. We said it would be so wild and free, so patriarchal like.
我和乔治支持睡帐篷，因为那样自由自在、威风神气。
Slowly the golden memory of the dead sun fades from the hearts of the cold, sad clouds. Silent, like sorrowing children, the birds have ceased their song, and only the moorhen's plaintive cry and the harsh croak of the corncrake stirs the awed hush around the couch of waters, where the dying day breathes out her last.
属于夕阳的金色记忆在云儿寒冷悲伤的心中渐渐消逝。鸟儿止住鸣唱，静默得如同悲伤的孩子。只有水鸡凄惨的鸣叫和秧鸡嘶哑的嗓音，不时搅动水边寂静凝重的空气。在这里，白天奄奄一息快要死去。
From the dim woods on either bank, Night's ghostly army, the grey shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering rear—guard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the waving river-grass, and through the sighing rushes; and Night, upon her somber throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness.
从河的两侧阴暗的树林中，灰影悄无声息地爬出，它们是夜神的魔军，驱赶走仍逗留的光线后卫。它们的脚步无形又无声，踏过摇曳的河草，穿越叹息着的灯心草丛。夜神坐在阴暗的王位上，收起遮天蔽日的黑色羽翼，世界被包裹在间，几颗苍白的星星幽幽照着她的幽灵宫殿，万物沉寂，臣服于她的统治。
Then we run our little boat into some quiet nook, and the tent is pitched, and the frugal supper cooked and eaten. Then the big pipes are filled and lighted, and the pleasant chat goes round in musical undertone; while, in the pauses of our talk, the river, playing round the boat, prattles strange old tales and secrets, sings low the old child's song that it has sung so many thousand years—will sing so many thousand years to come, before its voice grows harsh and old—a song that we, who have learnt to love its changing face, who have so often nestled on its yielding bosom, think, somehow, we understand, though we could not tell you in mere words the story that we listen to.
我们将小船驶入一个僻静角落，支好帐篷，煮一顿简单的晚饭。饭后点燃大烟斗，欢乐地聊天，像唱歌般的声音飘向夜空的彼岸。在谈话的间隙，能听到河水绕着船儿嬉戏，闲话年代久远的奇妙传说和秘密，低唱古老的童谣。它已将这首歌谣唱了千万年，以后还要唱上千万年，直到声音沙哑苍老的那天。也许因为我们懂得去爱这条河变幻的容颜，并且常常依偎在它温柔的怀抱中，我们觉得自己听得懂这歌谣，尽管无法用语言描述我们听到的故事。
burnt-out pipes, and say "Good-night”, and, lulled by the lapping water and the rustling trees, we fall asleep beneath the great, still stars, and dream that the world is young again—young and sweet as she used to be ere the centuries of fret and care had furrowed her fair face, ere her children's sins and follies had made old her loving heart—sweet as she was in those bygone days when, a new-made mother, she nursed us, her children, upon her own deep breast—ere the wiles of painted civilization had lured us away from her fond arms, and the poisoned sneers of artificiality had made us ashamed of the simple life we led with her, and the simple, stately home where mankind was born so many thousands years ago.
我们坐在河边，看月亮（它也爱这条河）俯身给河水一个姐妹式的吻，又将它揽到银色的臂弯中紧紧抱着。我们注视着河水，看它带着千百年不变的热情（只见它时而放声高歌、时而轻声呢喃）奔向它的国王——大海，直到我们的谈话慢慢静下，烟斗悄然熄灭；直到连我们这样普通平凡的年轻汉子也莫名其妙地在胸中生出万千思绪，半是忧伤，半是甜蜜，但我们懒得开口，也不愿开口；直到我们笑着站起身，弹掉烟斗上残余的灰烬，互道晚安，然后在潺潺河水和哗哗树叶合唱的催眠曲中、在眼睛一眨也不眨的硕大星星下，进入梦乡。在梦中，世界回到她的年轻时代，彼时她的容颜姣好，未经岁月磨蚀，找不到烦恼忧虑的印痕；彼时她的孩子们还未因犯下罪过、做下蠢事而让她漾着爱的心变得衰老憔悴。在那些远去的日子里，她是多么甜美：甫为人母，用自己的乳汁哺育我们——她的孩子们。彼时矫揉造作的文明还未将我们骗离她柔情的怀抱，“人造世界”那恶毒的嗤笑还未使得我们耻于与她共度简单的生活，或耻于人类自诞生起已经居住了几百万年的朴实而宏伟的家园。
Harris said: "How about when it rained?"
哈里斯问：“下雨的话怎么办？”
You can never rouse Harris. There is no poetry about Harris—no wild yearning for the unattainable. Harris never "weeps, he knows not why". If Harris's eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chop.
你永远无法激发哈里斯的文学气质。他天生与诗情画意无缘，不会去“强烈渴望彼岸之花”。哈里斯“从不哭泣，并自感费解”。如果他双目噙泪，我敢打赌那是因为刚吃了生洋葱，要不就是往排骨上放了过多伍斯特辣酱。
If you were to stand at night by the sea-shore with Harris, and say: "Hark! do you not hear? Is it but the mermaids singing deep below the waving waters; or sad spirits, chanting dirges for white corpses, held by seaweed?" Harris would take you by the arm, and say: "I know what it is, old man; you've got a chill. Now, you come along with me. I know a place round the corner here, where you can get a drop of the finest Scotch whisky you ever tasted—put you right in less than no time.”
如果某个夜晚，你与哈里斯并肩站在海边，你说：“听！听到了吧？这难道不是美人鱼们在波浪深处宁静的深海里歌唱的声音？又抑或是悲伤的幽灵们在为海藻束缚的苍白尸体唱着安魂曲？”哈里斯会抓着你的胳膊说：“老伙计，我知道是什么——是你着凉了。来，跟我走。我知道附近拐角处有家酒吧，那里有世界上最好的苏格兰威士忌，喝上一小杯，立马元神归位。”
Harris always does know a place round the corner where you can get something brilliant in the drinking line. I believe that if you met Harris up in Paradise (supposing such a thing likely), he would immediately greet you with: "So glad you've come, old fellow; I've found a nice place round the corner here, where you can get some really first-class nectar.”
哈里斯永远知道在附近的哪个地方你能享受到酿酒业引以为豪的作品。我相信，如果在天堂遇到他（假设这个地方可能存在），他会立刻这样招呼你：“老伙计，真高兴你也来了；我知道转角有个好地儿，在那儿能喝到真正一流的神酒。”
In the present instance, however, as regarded the camping out, his practical view of the matter came as a very timely hint. Camping out in rainy weather is not pleasant.
不过，就眼下这件事来说，他的务实眼光确实也带来及时的启发：在雨中露营绝非乐事。
It is evening. You are wet through, and there is a good two inches of water in the boat, and all the things are damp. You find a place on the banks that is not quite so puddly as other places you have seen, and you land and lug out the tent, and two of you proceed to fix it.
设想这样一个夜晚，你浑身湿透，船上积水超过两英寸，一切都潮乎乎的。你在岸上找到一块水坑相对较少的平地，泊好船，拉出帐篷，你俩开始支帐篷。
It is soaked and heavy, and it fl ops about, and tumbles down on you, and clings round your head and makes you mad. The rain is pouring steadily down all the time. It is difficult enough to fix a tent in dry weather: in wet, the task becomes her culean. Instead of helping you, it seems to you that the other man is simply playing the fool. Just as you get your side beautifully fixed, he gives it a hoist from his end, and spoils it all.
帐篷吸饱雨水，重若石鼎。它往四面八方倒，砸到你身上，缠住你脑袋，让你气急败坏。大雨哗哗地下，毫无减小的迹象。在晴天支帐篷已经很难，在雨天这个任务更是无比艰巨。你发现，自己的搭档根本帮不上忙，他看起来简直就是在装傻。你刚把这头弄满意，他在那头一抬手——得，全得重来。
"Here! what are you up to?" you call out.
你大喊：“你干嘛呢！”
"What are YOU up to?" he retorts; "leggo, can't you?"
他反击：“我还说你干嘛呢！你能不能放手啊？”
"Don't pull it; you've got it all wrong, you stupid ass!" you shout.
你吼道：“别拉！你全搞错了，你这个笨蛋！”
"No, I haven't," he yells back; "let go your side!"“哪儿啊，我可没错！”他吼回来，“快把你那头放了！”
"I tell you you've got it all wrong!" you roar, wishing that you could get at him; and you give your ropes a lug that pulls all his pegs out.“你完全搞错了！”你怒吼，恨不得冲过去揍他。接着你猛地一拉绳子，他那边的钉子全给拔了出来。
"Ah, the bally idiot!" you hear him mutter to himself; and then comes a savage haul, and away goes your side. You lay down the mallet and start to go round and tell him what you think about the whole business, and, at the same time, he starts round in the same direction to come and explain his views to you. And you follow each other round and round, swearing at one another, until the tent tumbles down in a heap, and leaves you looking at each other across its ruins, when you both indignantly exclaim, in the same breath: "There you are! What did I tell you?"“啊，这个白痴！”你听到他嘟囔了一句。接着绳子那头的蛮力一，你这边的钉子也全线阵亡。你放下木槌绕着圈往他那边去，想要告诉他你认为这件事该怎么做；而与此同时，他也从相同的方向绕过来，想要把他的想法解释给你听，于是你俩互相追着转了一圈又一圈，跑得气喘吁吁，骂得声嘶力竭，直到帐篷最终倒塌，你们在废墟上面面相觑，这时俩人异口同声地怒吼：“看吧！我说的没错吧？”
Meanwhile the third man, who has been baling out the boat, and who has spilled the water down his sleeve, and has been cursing away to himself steadily for the last ten minutes, wants to know what the thundering blazes you're playing at, and why the blarmed tent isn't up yet.
与此同时第3个人在将船遮起来，雨水顺着他的袖子往下淌，10分钟来他一直在不停地咒骂着。帐篷倒塌的巨响，让他很想知道是你们在耍什么杂技，而且为什么该死的帐篷到现在还没立起来。
At last, somehow or other, it does get up, and you land the things. It is hopeless attempting to make a wood fire, so you light the methylated spirit stove, and crowd round that.
最后，帐篷好歹是撑起来了，你们把东西搬上岸来。生柴火是无望的，所以你们点燃酒精灶，围着它挤成一圈。
Rainwater is the chief article of diet at supper. The bread is two-thirds rainwater, the beefsteak-pie is exceedingly rich in it, and the jam, and the butter, and the salt, and the coffee have all combined with it to make soup.
雨水成为晚餐的主要食材。面包有三分之二是雨水，牛排馅饼中雨水多得溢了出来，果酱、黄油、盐和咖啡通通被雨水冲成了汤。
After supper, you find your tobacco is damp, and you cannot smoke. Luckily you have a bottle of the stuff that cheers and inebriates, if taken in proper quantity, and this restores to you sufficient interest in life to induce you to go to bed.
晚餐后，你们发现烟草已湿得没法抽。所幸还备有一瓶让人快乐和陶醉的玩意儿，如果喝得适量，可以让你找回对生活足够的兴趣，至少足以让你愿意上床睡觉去。
There you dream that an elephant has suddenly sat down on your chest, and that the volcano has exploded and thrown you down to the bottom of the sea—the elephant still sleeping peacefully on your bosom. You wake up and grasp the idea that something terrible really has happened. Your first impression is that the end of the world has come; and then you think that this cannot be, and that it is thieves and murderers, or else fire, and this opinion you express in the usual method. No help comes, however, and all you know is that thousands of people are kicking you, and you are being smothered.
在你的梦中，一头大象突然坐到你的胸口上，接着火山喷发把你摔入深深的海底——整个过程中大象一直安稳地睡在你的胸前。你睁眼醒来，意识到可怕的事情在真实世界里也发生了。你的第一反应是以为世界末日业已降临；接着你觉得不现实，转而怀疑来了小偷强盗或是发生了火灾，所以你用人类常用的方法表达这一观点——你大呼救命。然而没有谁来救你，你只知道成千上万的人在踢你，而且你就快要窒息了。
Somebody else seems in trouble, too. You can hear his faint cries coming from underneath your bed. Determining, at all events, to sell your life dearly, you struggle frantically, hitting out right and left with arms and legs, and yelling lustily the while, and at last something gives way, and you find your head in the fresh air. Two feet off, you dimly observe a half-dressed ruffian, waiting to kill you, and you are preparing for a life-and-death struggle with him, when it begins to dawn upon you that it's Jim.
难民看来不止你一个。你听到他的微弱喊声从你的床下传出。你决心不到最后关头决不轻言牺牲，你开始疯狂挣扎，手脚并用、左右出击，同时大叫大嚷。终于，什么东西松了，你发现自己的头露了出来，呼吸到了新鲜空气。这时你模模糊糊地看到两英尺外有个半裸的暴徒在等待时机杀死你。你已经准备与他殊死搏斗，这时脑中慢慢有个概念凝聚成形——他是吉姆。
"Oh, it's you, is it?" he says, recognising you at the same moment.
这时他也认出了你：“是你么？是么？”
"Yes," you answer, rubbing your eyes; "what's happened?"“是啊，”你揉着眼睛回答，“发生什么事啦？”
"Bally tent's blown down, I think," he says.“我想是该死的帐篷被吹翻啦。”他回答。
"Where's Bill?"“比尔在哪儿？”
Then you both raise up your voices and shout for "Bill!" and the ground beneath you heaves and rocks, and the muffled voice that you heard before replies from out the ruin: "Get off my head, can't you?"
于是你们放开嗓门大叫“比尔！”，脚下开始鼓动起来，早先听到的那个闷闷的声音从废墟下传来：“别踩着我的头了，行吗？”
And Bill struggles out, a muddy, trampled wreck, and in an unnecessarily aggressive mood—he being under the evident belief that the whole thing has been done on purpose.
比尔挣扎着爬出废墟，他满身泥泞，看得出已遭百般践踏，惨不忍睹；同时情绪激动，浑身充满挑衅——显然他认为整件事是故意的。
In the morning you are all three speechless, owing to having caught severe colds in the night; you also feel very quarrelsome, and you swear at each other in hoarse whispers during the whole of breakfast time.
早上起床后，你们三人默默无语，因为夜里得了重感冒。同时你们又很想吵架，整个早餐进程中，无时无刻不在哑着嗓子对骂。
We therefore decided that we would sleep out on fine nights; and hotel it, and inn it, and pub. it, like respectable folks, when it was wet, or when we felt inclined for a change.
于是我们决定：天晴就露营，下雨或者想要换个心情的时候，就像体面人一样去住酒店、住旅馆、住客栈。
Montmorency hailed this compromise with much approval. He does not revel in romantic solitude. Give him something noisy; and if a trifle low, so much the jollier. To look at Montmorency you would imagine that he was an angel sent upon the earth, for some reason with held from mankind, in the shape of a small fox-terrier. There is a sort of Ohwhat-a-wicked-world-this-is-and-how-I-wish-I-could-do-somethingto-make-it-better-and-nobler expression about Montmorency that has been known to bring the tears into the eyes of pious old ladies and gentlemen.
蒙特莫伦西很赞成这折衷的办法。他欣赏不了浪漫的孤独，需要吵闹的东西才能快活，如果稍微低俗一点则更好。注视蒙特莫伦西你会觉得它是上帝派到人间的天使，不知为何没有投胎做人，而是进入了猎狐犬的小小躯壳。它的表情似乎在说“世界多么邪恶啊，我真希望可以做点什么让它更美好更高尚”，成功地让无数虔诚的老太太老绅士们感动得热泪盈眶。
When first he came to live at my expense, I never thought I should be able to get him to stop long. I used to sit down and look at him, as he sat on the rug and looked up at me, and think: "Oh, that dog will never live. He will be snatched up to the bright skies in a chariot, that is what will happen to him."
当它刚来到我家、正式成为我的经济负担的那阵，我从没想过能让它长作停留。我常常坐下来注视它，它也坐在小地毯上抬头凝望我，我就想：“那狗不属于这人间。早晚会有一架战车从蓝天飞下，把它劫回天国。这件事迟早要发生。”
But, when I had paid for about a dozen chickens that he had killed; and had dragged him, growling and kicking, by the scruff of his neck, out of a hundred and fourteen street fights; and had had a dead cat brought round for my inspection by an irate female, who called me a murderer; and had been summoned by the man next door but one for having a ferocious dog at large, that had kept him pinned up in his own tool-shed, afraid to venture his nose outside the door for over two hours on a cold night; and had learned that the gardener, unknown to myself, had won thirty shillings by backing him to kill rats against time, then I began to think that maybe they'd let him remain on earth for a bit longer, after all.
但是后来如何呢？它杀死十几只鸡，我被迫事后买单；我把它从百余场街头斗殴中拖出来，揪着它的后颈毛，任它张牙舞爪地扑腾；一位愤怒的女士请我过目小猫的尸体，控诉我为凶手；隔壁的隔壁家的男士唤我过去，指责我放纵恶狗逍遥在外，让它在某个寒夜被困在自家工具房中长达两个小时，甚至连从门缝往外张望的勇气都没有；我还听说某位陌生园丁通过与别人打赌这只狗在固定时间内能杀死多少只老鼠而赢了30先令。在这些事件之后，我开始相信也许老天还会让它在世界上逗留更长的时间。
To hang about a stable, and collect a gang of the most disreputable dogs to be found in the town, and lead them out to march round the slums to fight other disreputable dogs, is Montmorency's idea of "life"; and so, as I before observed, he gave to the suggestion of inns, and pubs., and hotels his most emphatic approbation.
蒙特莫伦西喜欢在马厩附近厮混，聚拢镇上最声名狼藉的狗，带领它们在贫民区周围游行，寻找同样声名狼藉的一群狗打架——这就是它的“生活”理念。所以如前文所述，它对住宾馆、旅店或客栈的计划很赞赏。
Having thus settled the sleeping arrangements to the satisfaction of all four of us, the only thing left to discuss was what we should take with us; and this we had begun to argue, when Harris said he'd had enough oratory for one night, and proposed that we should go out and have as mile, saying that he had found a place, round by the square, where you could really get a drop of Irish worth drinking.
在我们四个都通过上述过夜方案后，剩下需要讨论的就是应该带些什么。由此我们引发了第一场争论，哈里斯说他已经唇枪舌战了一晚上，建议不如出去散散心——他知道广场旁有个地方，可以喝到纯正的爱尔兰酒。
George said he felt thirsty (I never knew George when he didn't); and, as I had a presentiment that a little whisky, warm, with a slice of lemon, would do my complaint good, the debate was, by common assent, adjourned to the following night; and the assembly put on its hats and went out.
乔治说他正好口渴（他没有任何时候不是口渴的）；而我有种预感，如果来点温热的威士忌，再加上一片柠檬，可以治疗我的疾病，所以我们一致同意就此休会，明晚再战。与会者们带上帽子出发了。CHAPTER III. 第三章
ARRANGEMENTS SETTLED.—HARRIS'S METHOD OFDOING WORK.—HOW THE ELDERLY, FAMILY-MANPUTS UP A PICTURE.—GEORGE MAKES A SENSIBLEREMARK.—DELIGHTS OF EARLY MORNING BATHING.—PROVISIONS FOR GETTING UPSET.
方案出炉——哈里斯的工作方式——“一家之主”是如何挂好一幅画的——乔治的高质量发言——晨泳的乐趣——以备翻船所需的储备
So, on the following evening, we again assembled, to discuss and arrange our plans. Harris said: "Now, the first thing to settle is what to take with us. Now, you get a bit of paper and write down, J., and you get the grocery catalogue, George, and somebody give me a bit of pencil, and then I'll make out a list."
第二天晚上，我们又聚到一起。哈里斯说：“眼下当务之急是决定要带些什么东西。现在，J.，你去拿几张纸来；乔治，你去拿杂货店货物单来；谁再去拿一截铅笔来，让我来写张清单。”
That's Harris all over—so ready to take the burden of everything himself, and put it on the backs of other people.
这就是典型的哈里斯作风——急不可待地把所有活儿都揽到自己怀里，再一件件地放到别人的肩膀上去。
He always reminds me of my poor Uncle Podger. You never saw such a commotion up and down a house, in all your life, as when my Uncle Podger undertook to do a job. A picture would have come home from the frame-maker's, and be standing in the dining-room, waiting to be put up; and Aunt Podger would ask what was to be done with it, and Uncle Podger would say: "Oh, you leave that to me. Don't you, any of you, worry yourselves about that. I'll do all that."
他总让我想起可怜的波杰老叔。他要做件什么事的话，房子都得给弄个底朝天。裱画店送回一幅画，放在饭厅等待悬挂，波杰姨妈会问应该怎么处理，波杰老叔会说：“噢，你大可以交给我。你们任何人都不用操心。我会全权办理。”
And then he would take off his coat, and begin. He would send the girl out for sixpen'orth of nails, and then one of the boys after her to tell her what size to get; and, from that, he would gradually work down, and start the whole house.
然后他会脱掉大衣，开始大显身手。他会叫女佣出去买6便士的钉子，再派1个男孩追上去告诉她需要多大型号的，接着他会逐步发动全屋的人，供他役使。
"Now you go and get me my hammer, Will," he would shout; "and you bring me the rule, Tom; and I shall want the step-ladder, and I had better have a kitchen-chair, too; and, Jim! you run round to Mr. Goggles, and tell him, 'Pa's kind regards, and hopes his leg's better; and will he lend him his spirit-level?' And don't you go, Maria, because I shall want somebody to hold me the light; and when the girl comes back, she must go out again for a bit of picture-cord; and Tom!—where's Tom?—Tom, you come here; I shall want you to hand me up the picture.”“威尔，你去拿我那把锤头来。汤姆，去拿尺子来。我得要那架人字梯，还有1个厨房椅。吉姆！快跑去戈果斯先生家，就说‘爸爸向他问好，希望他的腿早日康复，请问能 否借水平仪一用？’玛丽亚，你别走开，得有人给我照明。 等女仆回来，还得让她再出去买点挂画用的绳子。汤姆！汤 姆在哪里？你过来等着，待会儿要你把画给我递上来。”
And then he would lift up the picture, and drop it, and it would come out of the frame, and he would try to save the glass, and cut himself; and then he would spring round the room, looking for his handkerchief. He could not find his handkerchief, because it was in the pocket of the coat he had taken off, and he did not know where he had put the coat, and all the house had to leave off looking for his tools, and start looking for his coat; while he would dance round and hinder them.
接着他会举起画又放下，画从镜框里滑出，他试着抢救玻璃，却把自己划伤，于是满屋子乱跳寻找手绢。当然他没法找到，是因为手绢放在脱下的外套口袋里，而他不记得外套放在了什么地方。所以全屋人必须停止为他找工具，转而帮他找衣服，而此时他满屋乱窜，一会儿挡了这个人，一会儿撞到那个人。
"Doesn't anybody in the whole house know where my coat is? I never came across such a set in all my life—upon my word I didn't. Six of you!—and you can't find a coat that I put down not five minutes ago! Well, of all the—”“全家人就没有一个知道我的外套在哪里吗？我从来没有遇到过这么傻的一群人——这一点我可以发誓!你们可有6个人！居然没法找到一件脱下还不到5分钟的外套！哎呀，在所有的——”
Then he'd get up, and find that he had been sitting on it, and would call out: "Oh, you can give it up! I've found it myself now. Might just as well ask the cat to find anything as expect you people to find it."
这时他站起来，发现自己刚才一直坐在那件外套上，又大声宣布：“噢，你们可以省省劲儿了！我自己找到它了。求你们这些人找东西，还不如去求猫咪呢。”
And, when half an hour had been spent in tying up his finger, and anew glass had been got, and the tools, and the ladder, and the chair, and the candle had been brought, he would have another go, the whole family, including the girl and the charwoman, standing round in a semi-circle, ready to help. Two people would have to hold the chair, and a third would help him up on it, and hold him there, and a fourth would hand him a nail, and a fifth would pass him up the hammer, and he would take hold of the nail, and drop it.
接下来的半个小时是他包扎手指的时间。新的玻璃送来了，工具、人字梯、厨房椅、蜡烛通通到位了，他又开始再一次的尝试。全家人（包括女佣和钟点女工）围成半圆，随时等待召唤。两个人必须扶着椅子；第3个人把他扶上去，此后一刻不得松手；第4个人递给他1颗钉子；第5个人递给他锤子。他接过钉子，手一松便掉到地上。
"There!" he would say, in an injured tone, "now the nail's gone."“看吧！”他会用受伤的语气说，“钉子没了。”
And we would all have to go down on our knees and grovel for it, while he would stand on the chair, and grunt, and want to know if he was to be kept there all the evening.
我们只好全体跪下，趴在地上找钉子。他站在椅子上抱怨不休，问我们是不是要让他在高处站上一整夜。
The nail would be found at last, but by that time he would have lost the hammer. "Where's the hammer? What did I do with the hammer? Great heavens! Seven of you, gaping round there, and you don't know what I did with the hammer!"
当然，最后钉子总是能找到的，但他又找不到锤子了。“锤子在哪里？我把锤子放哪了？天啊！你们7个人，张着嘴傻站在那里，居然都不知道我把锤子放哪了！”
We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have lost sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was to go in, and each of us had to get up on the chair, beside him, and see if we could find it; and we would each discover it in a different place, and he would call us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and re-measure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner, and would try to do it in his head, and go mad.
我们终于为他找到锤子，这时他又找不到画在墙上的标记了，也就不知道该往哪里钉钉子。我们只好挨个爬上椅子站到他身旁，尝试寻找那个标记，但每个人指点的位置都不相同，他就挨个骂我们是笨蛋，命我们撤下。他拿起尺子重新测量，发现他要找的那一点与墙角的距离应该是三十一又八分之三英寸的二分之一，于是开始心算，算着算着就发脾气了。
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arrive at different results, and sneer at one another. And in the general row, the original number would be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it again.
我们全都在脑袋里打起算盘，但是没有任何两个人的答案是相同的，大家不由得互相取笑。在一片笑骂声中，被除数是多少也被忘掉，波杰老叔只得从头开始测量。
He would use a bit of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of forty-five, and trying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness with which his head and body struck all the notes at the same time.
这次他没用尺子，改用绳子比划。在关键时刻（这老傻子探出椅子，身体呈45度角前倾，妄图去摸超出他臂长范围3英寸的一个点），绳子脱手，脚下一滑，人也倒下，脑袋和身体重重压在钢琴键盘上，所有琴键同时被压住，奏出的音乐好是荡气回肠。
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to stand round and hear such language.
玛丽亚姨妈说，孩子们不得继续围观，老叔的语言已经少儿不宜了。
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his right hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
最后，波杰老叔画好新的记号，左手将钉子固定在那一点上，右手举起锤子——第1锤砸下去，就砸坏了大拇指，丢掉锤子，又听得一声惨叫，因为砸到了某人的脚趾头。
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was going to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd let her know in time, so that she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was being done.
玛丽亚姨妈温和地说，下次波杰老叔要往墙上钉钉子的话，最好提前告诉她，让她有时间备好行装，在整个施工期间都住回娘家去。
"Oh! You women, you make such a fuss over everything," Uncle Podger would reply, picking himself up. "Why, I LIKE doing a little job of this sort."“哎！你们这些女人，总爱挑剔，”波杰老叔一边说一边爬起
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